What it was like?

It was bewildering, humiliating, paralyzing. It was ugly and painful and disgusting. It was ultimately too big a burden - the lying and cheating and stealing, eventually the sweating and vomiting and inevitably the blackouts.

What happened?

I had a scare - an addict with a DEA license prescribing basically to herself is an unsustainable situation. I wasn't quite that clever. After I almost got caught I figured I was scared straight, but I couldn't quit drinking. A bad blackout and bicycle crash that led to a few busted ribs was finally enough to allow me so have a bit of clarity. I was sent to rehab and checked in 9 years ago today.

What it is like now?

Treatment was the best thing that ever happened to me! I was away for 90 days. Somehow the message stuck, and now I say that God whispered in my ear. I believed what I was told, and I learned so much about myself. Learning about the disease and how it manifests itself was actually a relief. I had answers. My behavior was still kind of shitty for a while, and I'm always a work in progress. Conflict is still hard for a people pleaser! But jeez, my life is so great. I am abundantly blessed. Sobriety keeps me safe. I've been through hard stuff- like a very ugly divorce- and haven't needed a drink or a drug. This life is a tremendous gift! XOXOX

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