Mar 23, 2016 | By Tim Powers
The Symptoms of The High-Functioning Alcoholic
Addiction Resources Alcoholism
When people think about alcoholism and those who are caught up in alcohol abuse, the scenes that are painted in their mind are bold and dramatic. Images of people who are destitute with no money, no jobs, and estranged from their families come to mind. Additionally, more drastic images can come to mind such as failing health, homelessness, jail, institutions and death.
Indeed, these outcomes can definitely occur as the result of alcoholism, but the definition of alcoholism itself isn’t so cut and dry. In reality, alcoholism can be seen as existing on a continuum and there can be those who struggle with alcohol abuse but appear to have it together on the surface.
You may know people who are the picture-perfect parent or employee. They take the kids to school, work a dream job, pay the bills on time and are successful multi-taskers of the highest degree. Beneath this seemingly flawless facade, however, there are things that aren’t adding up. You may notice that your friend or co-worker can’t seem to go a day without hitting up the happy hour after work. You may notice they seem to be preoccupied and talk about alcohol almost non-stop. No matter what the social or family function may be, they are always with a drink in hand.
If you are noticing these signs, they may be pointing to the fact that your friend may be a high-functioning alcoholic. The high-functioning alcoholic doesn’t fit neatly within the set stereotypes of a drunk. They are successful, well-adjusted and happy, but just beneath those first impressions they are waging a private struggle with alcohol, and they may be walking on the slimmest of threads.
The following are some of the most common symptoms seen in the high-functioning alcoholic.
A Change in Friends
Much like others who struggle with alcohol, the high-functioning alcoholic’s circle of friends may change. They may surround themselves with people who drink on a regular basis and will attend events in which alcohol is front and center.
For the high-functioning alcoholic, they may pride themselves on the fact they don’t drink during the day or don’t show up to work or family functions drunk, but in any social situation where there is alcohol present they are right in the middle of the action.
Alcohol Seems to Always Be On Their Mind
High-functioning alcoholics have a healthy obsession on when and where they are going to have their next drink. While at work, they may be counting down the hours and minutes until the work day is over and they can hit happy hour or get home and make a beeline to the liquor cabinet.
They may be rummaging through their wallet and taking inventory of their available cash wondering if they have enough to last the night. Additionally, those who are high-functioning alcoholics may know in their mind how much they can actually drink before they appear drunk to others.
They Can’t Stop At Just One Drink
Another symptom that the high-functioning alcoholic displays is the fact they don’t have the capacity to stop after just one drink. You may often see them refuse drinks in a social situation, but they are more than likely waiting to get home where they can continue drinking without further scrutiny.
If they do have a drink, chances are pretty good they won’t stop until the night is done. The high-functioning alcoholic is a pro at hiding their problem and will deny they even have a problem.
Guilt and Shame
For those who are high-functioning alcoholics, they will feel tremendous guilt and shame if their alcoholic behaviors become noticeable to others. They go to great lengths to conceal their issues, and when they act inappropriately as a result of drinking they feel remorseful. While this guilt and shame should provide the impetus for the high-functioning alcoholic to take a deeper look into themselves, they will instead try even harder to mask their issues with alcohol.
Living Two Lives
The high-functioning alcoholic is the master of compartmentalizing their life. On the one hand, they have their everyday normal life in which they are the model employee, spouse and parent.
On the other hand, they have their drinking life where they can be a completely different person. As stated previously, the high-functioning alcoholic goes to great lengths to ensure these two disparate lives don’t intersect.
They Try to Quit On Their Own and Are Unsuccessful
Like others who struggle with alcohol dependence and abuse, the high-functioning alcoholic has more than likely made several attempts to quit drinking on their own. Left to their own devices, they return to drinking after a short period and they basically pick up where they left off.
Even though the fact they are contemplating quitting alcohol triggers at least some form of deeper thinking into their issues, the high-functioning alcoholic will continue to drink and rationalize their drinking by pointing out that it hasn’t affected their personal or professional life.
Kelsey
9 years ago
Thanks for sharing a nicely done article. I can identify with a lot of the stated description. However, until recently, I was unable to admit it. I will be 6 months sober on March 28th. The further I step away from that lifestyle, the more I realize I should not go back. This puts the struggle into perspective, and I will keep this in mind going forward. Thanks again.
Mo
8 years ago
The human psyche is very cunning. Don’t alow yourself to be put in a compromising situation. Better safe than devastated! 34 years in August.
Gary
7 years ago
Good job good thinking
Rich
8 years ago
Good for you, keep up the good work!
Juanita Scott
9 years ago
and the ones that drink morning, noon, after work and all night in spite of working all day, ?
Onyx
8 years ago
And i Still held down a job… the human system is amazing. I now regularly apologise to my ptsd liver… and brain… and kidneys…
Gary
7 years ago
How sick did u get? Hope you are better now, and stay better.
Linda
8 years ago
That is also a definition of an alcoholic.
D in Fl
9 years ago
Spot on. Been there, was that, now sober since 2/10/12. “The high functioning alcoholic is the master of comprtmentalizing their life” – so true…. and exhausting.
Carrie
8 years ago
I am exhausted. I get it. Great article.
Leslie
8 years ago
Ditto here too! Sober since 12_31_14.
Jen Gibson
9 years ago
This describes me. Exactly. I think it may have even been written about me. Its amazing how something that feels so individual is actually not.. I am truly a text book functioning alcoholic. Trying my hardest to live the sober life and learning as I go.
Thanks for the read.
windy
8 years ago
Congrats. I am in need of help, my fiance and I are having a baby in a few weeks how can I help themget sober? I want us to raise our baby together and sober. I don’twant to lose him. Please advise.
Jay
8 years ago
Try Alanon family groups. It won’t get anyone sober but the Alanon members family life is bound to improve!
Marise
8 years ago
Yes try Al-Anon. You cannot get him sober you can only take care of yourself and your child and set boundaries and invite him to come along but the work is up to him. Wasting your energy is in your life I’m trying to make him sober will only exhaust you can be detrimental to your child. Alcoholism is brutal it takes down not only the alcoholic but the family around her/him if they let it. Al-Anon can help you protect yourself on your new baby, and hopefully model a new lifestyle for your husband.
Marise
8 years ago
Sorry for the typos in the middle of the paragraph! Was supposed to read, “Wasting your energy on trying to make him sober will only exhaust you and be detrimental to your child.”
Vicki Rountree
8 years ago
I have now been sober since May 26, 2000. I did it on my own with no help from AA or rehabs. The guilt and disgust with myself was enough to make me want to be “normal” again. My biggest memory of getting sober was waking up and not feeling like hell….it was wonderful. I had a bowl of Cheerios. I felt human again – and have ever since. No turning back ever again.
julie
8 years ago
That’s amazing.i hope soon I can do what u did.im tired and sick from the grog.i want a different life without alcohol.
Renee Hamilton
8 years ago
Please feel free to vent to my I am Renee H, I’m in long term recovery and I’m also a recovery coach and I would love to hear from you and help you in your journey. Remember you are not unique in this recovery life and their are so many people that are living your life with alcohol. Yes you are unique in the sense that God made you and I different and that’s what makes us beautiful.Recovery is available to you if you want it. I used to compare myself to others and I couldn’t stay in recovery. Now I identify and my life is wonderful and trials and tribulations come about, today I go through them with out drugs or alcohol which made them worse and people know what is going we can’t hide it like we think we can. Okay I hope my experiences can help you on this beautiful sometimes awful journey!! God Bless 774-243-1266
Mark
9 years ago
This is me to the T! I wish I could share my professional triumphs, but needless to say, I excelled in my professional and personal life, but needless to say, I’ve lived every one of those symptoms. Eventually, I was able to get thru the mask of denial of being a functional alcoholic and address the darkness the followed me outside of my “public persona”.
Sober since 5/27/15
Jamie
9 years ago
Very insightful and well-written article. This fit my drinking to a T. I am so glad I finally got help. It took a few attempts and a lot of hard work but on March 16 I got my one year coin! Thanks again for highlighting alcoholism as sometimes I feel alone in being a (fairly) young person in recovery who’s drug of choice was alcohol.
Jamie
Birgit
9 years ago
I got my one year on the same day! Congrats
Renee
9 years ago
Very good read. That was me. I have been without a drink for almost 6 years. I never missed a day of work, but I never missed a night at the bar and drinking at home. I am so grateful to be a different person now, before I did something that would have cost me or someone else a life. It is still a struggle, not with wanting alcohol, but learning to cope with life in a different way. Emotional sobriety is the hardest part for me. I would appreciate any advise on what to do with my life now. I am 57 years old.
rick
8 years ago
Maybe not the guy to give advise, just hit 2 months, 3 days. Same as you, never missed a day of work or a night of drinking. Lucky for me, I have a group of functioning alcoholic friends and a goddess of a wife who support me unconditionally. No peer pressure or jokes, just a lot of encouragement. I know they know, they have a problem and wish they could do what I’m doing. The emotional part was / is difficult. Had some of the best times in my life drinking, also had some of the worse, but either way, alcohol was there for me. It laughed with me and cried with me. Today (deep breath), I look more forward to feeling great in the morning than feeling great at night. The 7pm – 10pm is the devils time, he tempts me like I’ve never been tempted before. I’ve been able to kick his ass so far. I’m 53 and have an 11 year old that keeps me occupied. I’m also a hunter and cyclist, so that fills up my time too. Don’t be afraid to go to events where there’s alcohol, we are many and strong. I thought I’d be the guy with a sign on his back, but as it turns out there’s a lot of people who go to bars and events that don’t drink.
Pj
8 years ago
Don’t forget what a bunch of old timers told me when I first came in the rooms of AA. If you hang around a barbershop shop long enough you’ll end up with a hair cut! So grateful for 9 years last month. We are not a glum lot but I’ve found so much fun in being sober. Very blessed with a wonderful fellowship. There is always something to do.
Bj
8 years ago
Just put one foot in front of the other and do the next right thing.
lisa
8 years ago
I attend ACA Adult children meetings. we work on getting g emotionally sober. many in the group have been sober for years, and we are all ages!
Jean M
8 years ago
I, too, can identify with the article. I quit on my own once for 15 months until someone handed me a WSJ article about alcoholics being able to drink in moderation. Right. I did drink in moderation until I didn’t–one week later. The things that helped me the most were an intensive outpatient treatment program, which met for 3 hours/day 3 days/week, since I didn’t suffer withdrawal, and the requirement to go to a recovery group meeting. I looked for non-AA groups, but settled on an AA meeting close to my home. They never pushed God on me (I’m a recovering Southern Baptist), and I learned that helping others is one of the best ways to stay sober. Fortunately, I got it quickly and celebrated one year on 5/11/15. Best of luck!
Renee Hamilton
8 years ago
Hi that is awesome you haven’t drank in 6 years. I have been in long term recovery since 1988 and I still get the urge but it goes right away, I fill my mind with the goodness I have in other words I play the scenario out and I become so grateful. You can fill your life with whatever makes you happy, There are so many things to do with people like us. I am about to be 57 and I enjoy my life even though I started late in life my life is good!! I am a Christian and that’s how I remain in recovery but that’s for ME!! It may nit be for you but I still believe in the process. We can’t compare our journey with another’s it will depress us and we then seek comfort and that used to be drugs and alcohol or it could be shopping,sex,etc. We must have a good support team that is going through the same thing . I don’t have all the answers but I do know I don’t have to use anything outside of myself. t to feel better. Feelings are emotions and they change constantly it’s what we do while in those feelings good and bad. No judgement zone here???????? 774-243-1266 call me if you want to talk. Take care and God Bless
Gary
7 years ago
Enjoy life and live it for those who cannot anymore.
Birgit
9 years ago
That was 100% me. Good to read something I could really relate to.
mike
9 years ago
i can definitely relate to the shame and guilt part. so grateful to not have to live that way anymore
Marialaina
9 years ago
Awesome share! Real eye opener ☺️
GoodHappens
8 years ago
Spot on and well said. I might add that functioning alcoholics will attend their first meetings and hear the “low bottom” stories and use the “I never” rationalization to talk themselves out of an alcoholic description.
I would encourage folks of that ilk to define their own “bottom.”
Bj
8 years ago
Touché
SoberMelissa
8 years ago
I’m a “Yet”, too. My “nevers” haven’t happened YET….mostly due to luck. The 12 & 12 discusses “raising the bottom” & how it has spared millions from continuing to dig toward a lower bottom. Joining AA has been one of the best things I’ve ever done. It keeps my nevers AS nevers. One day at a time.
Zach
8 years ago
Unfortunately, this is still me to the T, I have tried to quit more times then I can remember without succeeding. I am always yup for suggestions ado that I can live a well balanced sober life.
Rob
8 years ago
It’s a simple program but also one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Like all things that are difficult the harder you work it the bigger the rewards. May 27th I’ll have 13 years without a drink or a mood altering drug. I’ve been blessed with two grandchildren that have never felt the pain of my alcoholism and I pray they never do. You’ve already done the most difficult part and that’s admitting that you’re powerless over alcohol and that your life has become unmanageable. If not unmanageable yet, trust me it will become that way sooner than later. Find a meeting you’re comfortable in. Get a sponsor. Go to as many meetings you possibly can. “HOW” HONEST, OPEN, and WILLING. Trust me when I say that you are worth it. Never give up on yourself, I wont. Trust me when I say that getting sober is liberating. If the sorry assed SOB that I was can do it I know you can as well. Don’t let the number of times you’ve tried and failed define you. Define yourself by the number of times you get back up! My email address is rvtjr1@yahoo.com, phone # is 316-461-6830. I know you will be successful if you don’t give up! If I can help feel free to call. I wish you the very best and will not give up on you or any other suffering alcohlic!
Larry
8 years ago
Thank you Tim. I perceive this as a very worthwhile article, that I will share with my clients.
Teren
8 years ago
For me it’s the comfort of drinking I miss. I didn’t need to plan my days, I just drank and went with the flow. Today I’m conflicted. I choose not to use alcohol. For the last three months I have been sober and my life is much improved as a result. It is not easy to make this transition, but most certainly rewarding.
tracy
8 years ago
Bless you rob! It is people like you and those who came before who helped give me the strength to keep trying. Aa is the reason I have 2 beautiful children today who have never had to see there mom passed out on the floor. The reason I can look in mirror and look others in the eyes. Today I have a choice to drink or not, and today I choose life. I hope Zach calls! You made my day!
Jolene Mitchell
8 years ago
I’d love to FB meet Tim Powers, how can i get in touch with him?
Sharon U
8 years ago
This describes my oldest and best friend to a T although a bout with breast cancer and the necessary chemo and radiation treatments did keep her off the booze for about a year. Once she thankfully successfully completed her treatment and was deemed to be cancer free, she went right back to the booze. Although she had a reasonably successful professional life and is now retired, she was not and is not now always so high functioning. When she has a number of vodka and tonics she will start to repeat herself and slur her words. Despite sometimes becoming what I deem a sloppy drunk, she makes sure she has a drink in hand at each and every social event or every time she visits me. As we now live in different states, we often speak on the phone to stay in touch and every time I call in the evenings I always hear the ice cubes clinking the sides of the glass. I can’t tell you how many times over the years we’ve argued about her drinking, but to no avail. The last time we got together it was for a long weekend with another close friend who has spent his life as a social worker counselling people who have alcohol and drug abuse problems. I was so upset about her drinking that I turned to the other friend for advice – not the first time in all our years of friendship. He again suggested I attend ALANON meetings to help me deal with the anger, frustration and sadness I feel every time I get together with my Alcoholic Friend and learn how to avoid further enabling her drinking when we are together. I am planning on attending my first ALANON meeting on April 4th in anticipation of a visit to my home state in late April during which I will again see my Alcoholic Friend. Hopefully, the ALANON meetings will help me learn how to cope with her drinking and provide me with a clue as to how to help her .
SoberMelissa
8 years ago
Sharon, it’s so hard to see it when you’re still an active drinker. I, too, suggest Al-Anon. It won’t help her get sober (only she can do that), but it certainly will help You. Best wishes for you both.
kate
8 years ago
It wasn’t until I stopped drinking that I could see how much and how often I drank and that others did not drink like I did. I never got a DUI, lost a job, ruined my credit, ended a relationship (I thought) because of drinking, yet in the end drank every day. When I went into treatment, no one including family members could believe I was alcoholic. No one knew and I was exhausted keeping it that way! 31 years sober I have the peace of mind, the career and most important, the kind of relationship(s) that nourish me. Life is Good.
Maureen
8 years ago
Yes! Thank you for speaking to this. I have a little over a year sober and I was this person you describe. I would add another symptom that I found nailed me to become honest with myself is trying to control one’s drinking- only at parties, only when I have water in between drinks, I won’t keep it in the house ….. All the mind games that go along with control.
Thanks again. I think more people need to truly understand alcoholism .
Kerry
8 years ago
I relate to this so much. 5 days sober today!!
Peter
8 years ago
Wow 5 days well done. I remember my first week that was nearly 11 years ago. Keep it up its worth it. Regards Peter email me when you have two weeks .
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Kelly Wynn
8 years ago
Keep it up. We are all here cheering you on! I have 2 1/2 years of sobriety after 20 years of being an alcoholic. You are in our prayers. Xoxo
jesse kaellis
8 years ago
Thinking you should quit and wanting to, wanting to very badly, are two different things. I have 13 years and two months now. Over. It’s over, and I don’t get cravings because I don’t have a sense of entitlement.
I can see where it would be difficult for a high functioning alcoholic/addict to stop or even ameliorate their problem, their situation.
They’re making it work. They’re getting away with it. They are walking the tightrope.
Towards the end there I was picking up bindles of meth on the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver. And seeing that mess down there, the unbelievable degradation and despair — seeing that — I took a cold, hard, honest, SOBER look at where I was heading and I made a choice.
Because recovery always involves a choice. Not, “It’s a disease. Mama didn’t love me. My grandfather was a booze ghoul…”
No. It doesn’t matter because the only way to stop is to make the commitment and when you do that the inner resources will manifest.
No name this time
8 years ago
From a former high-functioning pothead (weed don’t kill MY ambition, thank you very much!) with 10 years off the bong, congratulations to you all.
bil murphy
8 years ago
Hey Tim I’m a guitarist drummer and singer ya think its harder in the industry ?
Paula
8 years ago
Been sober for 7 Years and this article is my life prior to giving up alcohol. I especially relate to the guilt. Life is so much better sober. Toughest battle I ever fought but so happy I did. I continue to work in a brutally honest way with myself to keep it real
Hal
8 years ago
The high functioning alcoholic is a testament to the human will and what it can accomplish, as well as our ability to deceive others as well as ourselves. I was one for many, many years, but felt so tired and sick all the time. At the end, I was no longer high-functioning , but barely functioning–it will eventually come to that. I’ve been clean and sober since Nov; 23, 2013. I’m still grateful when I wake up after a good night’s sleep and feel physically well, regardless of the pressure I’m under or what “terms” life is dealing me. Anxiety is no longer a reason to grab a bottle, but a challenge for me to meet head-on—you gotta go through it! I’ve got a good, strong recovery network, people I love and who love me. I couldn’t do it without them. It’s great to be free!
. Morgan
8 years ago
I just want to express to everyone with even just a few hours or days sober that I know it’s been hard, you are very brave, and all journies start with just a few steps. I hope you continue on your journey to escaping from being slave to alcohol or another substance.
Renee
8 years ago
I can relate. I struggle everyday with this unfortunately..