Dec 31, 2015 | By Tim Powers

The Ninth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous: Making Your Amends

12 Step Recovery Recovery

Within the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, there are certain steps that seem to go together and are unified under one major theme. Steps four through nine can all be seen as steps meant to help you “clean house” and to purge yourself of the psychological clutter that dominated the period of your life when your addiction to alcohol was in charge.

From taking your personal inventory and talking to another about the nature of your wrongs through to making a list of those you need to make amends towards, you have performed a sort of spiritual spring cleaning of your soul.

Now you are at the ninth step of Alcoholics Anonymous in which you go out and make the amends to those you have wronged.

Now it is time to pay back your debts, write letters and seek out those people that were affected by the consequences of your alcohol addiction and actually take the steps needed to make things right. This is a lifetime process, no matter how long it takes getting through your list is paramount.

Working step nine of AA will take great insight, courage and dedication and it won’t be easy. However, navigating this ninth step of Alcohol Anonymous can be easier with planning and forethought.

What Amends Really Are: A Review

In the previous article on the eighth step of AA, a concrete definition of amends was laid out and there was a clear distinction made between amends and an apology. To refresh your memory, amends are a two-part process with the first part making a sincere apology for your transgressions and the second part being the genuine actions you take in order to repair and restore what you had ruined during your addiction.

How do you know when you are truly making amends?  You know you are making amends when your words are actually backed up by action. This action can be concrete such as repaying a debt or by an honest and candid admission of our own wrongdoing. When we say what we mean and do what we say, we really understand our fault, regret its harmful consequences to others, and are determined not to repeat it. When others see our hard work to right the wrongs, they will start to support you and your efforts.

Obviously, you want to make direct amends to those that you have hurt or harmed. If possible, be face to face with those people. If it is not possible to meet face to face, be sure to make some form of a meaningful connection. It means a lot and shows your willingness.

There may be those situations in which direct amends may not be possible, especially if doing so will cause greater pain, hurt or confrontation. In those cases, making indirect amends such as a donation to a charity of their choosing or volunteering may be more appropriate. No matter which avenue you take, you need to be earnest and consistent in your actions to right the wrongs.

Putting Step Nine of Alcoholics Anonymous Into Action

Putting the Ninth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous into action actually begins with the completion of the sixth step in which you have taken responsibility for your own behavior and are seeking the help of your Higher Power to remove your character defects. Once you make that commitment you put it into action in the eighth step where you make a list to all the people that you harmed during your addiction. Once you have taken the time to reflect on all that you have wronged and made that list, you are ready to reach out and start the process of making amends.

When you make your amends there are things that you need to keep in mind.

First and foremost, you must muster up the courage and honesty to go to the people that you have harmed. This is the most difficult part of making amends since there always is the possibility that some people will not be receptive to your apologies and actions, no matter how sincere you may be. The possibility of rejection in this manner is an unfortunate, yet real part of the recovery process.

Additionally, there needs to be a keen sense of timing. You want to be actively working a program of recovery for a considerable period of time before you begin the process of making amends. If people see that you are sincere in your attempts to be truly clean and sober, they may be more receptive to your amends when you are ready. Lastly, you need to have a good sense of judgment regarding who you should make amends to first.

Where Do I Start?

When you have your list of people to whom you are making amends, you need to prioritize that list and place those who you need to reach straight away at the top. In general, there are four categories of people that you need to make amends towards:

1. People who ought to be dealt with as soon as possible.
2. People to whom we can make only a partial restitution, lest complete disclosures do them or others more harm than good.
3. People and situations where action ought to be deferred.
4. Others in which, by the very nature of the situation, we shall never be able to make direct personal contact.

The people in the first category listed include those whom you have regular contact with such as family, relatives and employers. These people obviously are important to reach right away and connections need to be reestablished. When you are able to make amends with these people, they can be a huge part of your support system.

The people who are in the second category can include your spouse, a former business partner or friends. When you are ready to make amends to this group, you need to carefully weigh whether making full amends would help or harm the situation. In some cases, partial restitution or amends may be the most appropriate. As you move to the third and fourth categories, these contain people whom you seldom see or are hard to locate. You should make every effort to at least establish contact with these people in order to at least offer the proverbial olive branch and start the process of making meaningful amends.

As with any Step, working the ninth step of Alcoholics Anonymous takes a great deal of time and patience. There will be people that may feel that your attempt at making things right is just another manipulation, and you must understand that. With your continued determination and due diligence in working your program of recovery, many who may doubt your resolve will eventually come around.