Dec 31, 2015 | By Tim Powers

The Eighth Step Of Alcoholics Anonymous: The Art of Making Amends

12 Step Recovery Recovery

eighth step

If you work the 12 Steps in sequence, you are leaving the attitudes, behaviors and past events that marked your alcohol addiction and moving towards the freedom of lasting sobriety. As you move through one step to the next, you are moving farther away from your life as an addict towards a more self-actualized life filled with the health, serenity and inner peace. It goes without saying that as you get deeper into your step work the going gets tougher and you truly need to dig deep. The Eighth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous can be one of those watershed moment in your recovery because you need to make amends to those you had hurt while you were active in addiction.

And that starts with making out a list of amends.

What Exactly Does Making Amends Really Mean?

For many people, they may equate making amends to making apologies to those they have hurt or wronged for their actions. When you are addicted to alcohol, however, simply making apologies is inadequate. Your drinking and drug use have not only caused you pain and suffering, your family and friends have also experienced  pain and suffering as a result of your actions. Substance abuse causes many families to stop communicating with one another and it stirs up anger, bitterness and resentment When are ready to make amends, you must know the difference between making amends.

It is important to fully understand the difference between making amends and making apologies. An apology can be akin to putting a Band-Aid on a wound. While you may feel better in the fact that you have done something about addressing the hurt, it doesn’’t really do anything to correct the situation that you have caused. When you make amends, you are not only sorry for what you have done, you are putting action behind your words and engaging in meaningful actions to help repair and restore what has been destroyed as a result of your alcohol addiction

If you are truly ready to make amends, you need to take a sobering and candid look back and fully acknowledge where you were at fault. Once you acknowledge and accept your role and responsibility for causing such damage and pain, you must do everything in your power to repair that damage and take every opportunity to restore those relationships that are truly important in your life. You must do this in the Eighth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous, and making the amends list in the first step in this purging.

Putting Together Your Amends List

The big step that needs to be taken in the Eighth Step of AA is putting together a comprehensive list of those that you have harmed or wronged during the course of your addiction. If you have gotten to this step you have fully realized that a large part of your recovery seems to revolve around creating lists. In the context of a 12-Step program, making lists is far from being an exercise; it is a way for us to focus on those things that have kept us stuck in addiction and are recovery to this point. By putting it down on paper, we can see this up close and personal and it gives us direction when we seek to work through these issues.

The following are some basic steps that you can use to put together your amends list when you work the Eighth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Get Help From A Sponsor or Counselor

As you are working on this list of amends, it is important that you seek the advice and guidance of your sponsor or counselor. These people know the process of the Eighth Step backward and forwards, and in the case of your sponsor they have worked it themselves. Your sponsor can help you avoid the pitfalls that could derail your sobriety or recovery by helping you compartmentalize and organize your list so you can easily manage the list and the process.

Take Your Time!

The most important step in creating your amends list is to take the time to include EVERYBODY that has felt the effects of your addiction. In order to achieve this goal, you need to have completed the Fourth Step in which you have made a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself. You need to not only include those that you directly harmed, but you should also think about those people who may have felt the sting of the consequences of your addiction. This will take some time to sort out, so be patient and courageous. Remember, recovery is a lifelong process and not a race.

Putting Your List in Order

Once you have compiled your list, you want to give it the order to give you a sense of direction on where you should start. At the top of your list, you want to put your loved ones and write down specifically how you harmed each person. After your loved ones, you want to widen your scope to include your friends and co-workers, and it is important to be specific as far as how you harmed each person. It is important in the Eighth Step of AA that you list everything–no matter how painful or overwhelming.

If It Helps, Reverse the Order of Your Amends List

During the process of compiling your list during the Eighth Step of Alcoholics Anonymous, you may feel intimidated by starting off with your family and loved ones. It may be these people that you care about the most that you have done the most damage. You may want to think about reversing the order of your amends list and start with casual acquaintances and work your way up to family. By reversing the list, you will get practice in addressing those you have hurt and it will give you the confidence you need as you continue the process.

The process of making amends can be difficult. The Eighth Step of AA will help lay the groundwork to help you accomplish this essential step. Onward to the Ninth Step–actually making those amends.

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