What it was like?

I was an absent mother and an unreliable wife. Everything I did, and everything I thought, revolved around alcohol. It was exhausting. Most people in my life avoided me at all costs, and rightfully so! I was mean, and sloppy and belligerent. I couldn’t drive anywhere anymore because I was always under the influence. I slept a lot and ate very little. I did all of the things I said I was never going to do. I got arrested, I lost my job. I ran up debt and my husband filed for divorce. And in the end, I was reported missing. I was a missing person for 5 days. When I was found, I was unrecognizable, and barely clinging to life.

What happened?

I woke up after being lawfully committed to a psychiatric hospital. I remember laying in my bed, all alone in complete silence, and sobbing because I wanted to drink so badly. When I finally got up enough energy, I walked myself down the hallway and called my daughter. The first thing she said to me was, "Mommy...I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore..." and my heart shattered into a million pieces. I finally realized that I was not the only casualty of my disease. I went back to my room and I asked God to take my life, and He did...and then He allowed me to build a new one.

What it is like now?

Today, I am the mother I always wanted to be. I wake my daughter up every morning and I tuck her in every night. I have coached her soccer team, and chaperoned field trips. I've taken her to Disney World and to Broadway plays. My husband withdrew the divorce papers and we are still married today. I got a new job and I was even promoted at work this year! I take my story into the women's prison, treatment centers and hospitals. I am a recovery writer and blogger and I share my story publicly on social media. I carry the message of hope with me wherever I go, and I work with other recovering women daily. Today, I am honest, dependable and I have integrity.. Today, I have the freedom of choice...it was restored to me when I made a commitment to myself that I would do whatever it takes to stay sober. My daughter was 4 years old when I took my last drink. She is 7 1/2 today, and I pray that she never has to see me take another drink again. Today, I am grateful and I am HAPPY!

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