What it was like?

i was a bender, for nearly 20yrs of my life i repeated the cycle. work, then play, play consisting of drinking as much as i could, only to then use cocaine to continue going long after i should. i would repeat this and over time the severity of amounts and times where i was unpleasant to be around would grow. i would have my “never drink again” moments but after a few days i was ready for that weekend of play again and again and again.

What happened?

On the afternoon of March 5th 2023, Me and my partner or rather i’d say the love of my life of 3.5yrs where off to our normal sunday funday, i had already been in it since the night before, in fact she found me in the early ours using and had taken it and flushed it. though this did not detour me from excesses drinking, but what some might not know is the stimulus of cocaine makes you “more coherent” while being intoxicated and you believe you can continue to drink. this was the case today as many other days. in transit i abandoned her, taking an uber in which i sent a text message saying words i will never repeat while i walk this earth. it was enough for her to say i needed to leave. nearly a year later she cannot forget those times and i’ve lost the family in which i thought i finally had found

What it is like now?

The fact that i have no desire to partake in these things that i allowed to assist me in ruining the life i worked so hard for is nothing short of a miracle, in the program they teach that one must want to change for themselves, to hit a rock bottom. Losing my love was it, never wanting to pain so many people i loved ever again, knowing that if i ever wanted to achieve this type of love again, i had reached this bottom, and i could not be happier than i am now and my goal as a human to be here for anyone that needs it.

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