What it was like?

My life was pretty good!! So it seemed to others. But that was what I wanted others to see. Behind closed doors of my home was a dark miserable place for my family and my self because of my downward spiral of self destruction, pain and misery of my addiction to alcohol. Even though I worked 24/7 being self employed, held a PT job, bought a house and raising 3 kids I thought I had it all figured out. My wife was sick of it. Sick of the lies, guilt, hate, fear and resentments my drinking had caused upon friends and family. All I cared about was my next drink.

What happened?

I found recovery after a falling out with my father in law in 2014 when I wondered into my first meeting with a broken jaw, bruised ego and my tail between my legs. It was then I realized I had a problem and it was up to me to fix it. After my first year Sober I thought I had it all figured out and decided I could do this thing on my own. Well after a few months I distant myself from the rooms and recovery and before I knew it I was off to the races again. I wasn't true to myself or the program lfrom the very start. I used allot of my childhood trauma as an excuse to live the way I was because I didn't see a problem in it at the time. So after a couple more years out there in James's world I had finally hit that wall again and life had really hit me in the face this time harder than ever. I was at my all time low and by the grace of God I'm here today. When a friend had told me he found me passed out in my truck in his garage with the door closed, windows down and a loaded gun in my hand I knew that if I didn't find the help I needed I was going to die and my kids would have no father and my wife would a single mother raising 3 boys. I did not want to be known as just a drunk. So I went back to the rooms and decided to give it my all this time

What it is like now?

I would have to say I have been through hell and back more times than I would like to count but I am here today by choice and the grace of God. This is my second chance at life even though I've cheated death so many times because of my active addiction. I look back at my past and I'm not ashamed what so ever. If I hadn't done the horrible things I've done then I wouldn't be able to learn from them today. I share my story in hopes to shed some light on someone who is struggling or knows someone who is. Sobriety is the best thing in the world if you're willing to go to any length to get it. I was recently baptized at my church in March of 2019 as sign to start fresh. I shared my story with my church family because we live in a small Oklahoma town and continue to share my story at rehabs and meetings when ever I can. Today I am grateful for my recovery. Everyday I place principles before personalities and when I'm wrong I promptly admit it. Without prayer and meditation I would not be ALL in this time. I have an amazing sponsor and home group and we stay sober I stay drunk. Thank you Sober Nation for all you do for us everyday. I love reading everyone's amazing journey in sobriety it helps me continue living my life. And Because of my new journey I have decided to go back to school to become a career firefighter and fullfil my dreams.

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