Anne Emerson 41 1 / 9 / 2019 • Sober Nation

Name: Anne E.

Age: 41

Sober Since: 01 / 09 / 2019

Sober For: 5 Years & 121 Days

What it was like?

Living the life with an active addiction to meth was like living a life in hell. In a matter of what seemed like the blink of an eye, your entire life was falling apart. Jobless, no place to call home, fake friends, its not a pretty world to live in. Your normal daily thoughts are replaced with thoughts of how you are going to get your next bag, and the time you used to spend doing activities you loved are replaced with tracking down a dope dealer. The "drug world" as they call it, is not all it is hyped up to be. Its cold, dark and lonely. Sure there were many "fun" times that created many lasting memories, but when you're sitting behind bars, missing your son, your family and the person you used to be before you were addicted to meth, those memories seem more like an unforgettable nightmare.

What happened?

I lost my fiancee to a fentanyl overdose 12/3/17. I had been sober for quite some time, but relapsed when he died. I didn't know how to handle the pain of his death in a healthy way. Drugs seemed to be the quickest, easiest way to not feel the pain. But when I took the drugs away, the pain was still there. I was risking so much by using and it didn't even rid of the pain. I was arrested for a warrant I had for a probation violation in January 2019, it was this situation that made me realize enough was enough. I was not going to keep risking being sent back to prison, how would I ever explain that to my son. It didn't help matters any that I had reconnected with an ex boyfriend, a relationship that was abusive physically, verbally and emotionally. A love destroyed because of drugs. Enough was enough. It was time to get help and to learn how to grieve my fiancees death and heal from the abuse from the reconnected relationship I was in, in a healthy way. I started to see a therapist who specialized in not only grief therapy but addiction as well, she was a life saver. I also took a DBT class that was recovery based and put myself in out patient treatment for extra support and guidance!

What it is like now?

Life today isn't perfect, I still have days that are a struggle, but I am in a far better place then where I was just a short year ago. I have my own apartment, its amazing to have a place of my own to call home. I have a new car, a job, I am a good mom to my son, a good daughter to my family. But most importantly I have myself back. Finding your true, real self isn't easy once it is lost in the world of drugs or stolen and beaten down in a world of domestic violence, but once you start taking back control of your life, learning to love yourself again is the happiest day of your life. I didn't wake up one day and decide I was going to destroy my life and hurt the ones I love by becoming a meth addict, but I did wake up one day and say "today's the day I'm taking back my life and no longer will it be controlled by my addiction". I do believe that addiction is a disease, but at the end of every day, we always have the power of choice, the choice to keep using or the choice to be sober.. Today I choose to be sober!!