How to Avoid Getting 13th Stepped

Alcoholics Anonymous and other similar recovery programs tout the effectiveness of the 12 Step Program, designed to help people learn to cope with their addictions one day at a time. From step one, admitting your powerlessness over your addiction, to step 12, helping others with their spiritual enlightenment, there is a logical progression of recovery that addicts can take on one by one at their own pace. But wait: there's another unofficial step in this program--known as the 13th Step. Don't get suckered into this one, ladies and gentlemen!

What Is the 13 Step?

Newcomers to groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) where 12-Step programs are the norm may fall victim to what is referred to as the 13th Step. This is when an old-timer (someone who has been in the program for a year or more) hits on or makes a pass at someone who's new to the group. Romantic or sexual relationships that take place within this delicate time of recovery often fail due to their dysfunctional nature, according to Addiction Treatment Magazine. Thirteenth Stepping is not a term you'll see in any official resource, but it's often a joke among those in the know that men (or sometimes women!) who have a year or more of sobriety under their belts prey on the vulnerability of newbies to get them into bed. It may be a joke to some, but it's no laughing matter in terms of successful recovery.

Relapses Can Result

It's not recommended to have a romantic or sexual relationship within that first tenuous year of sobriety, as this can lead to a relapse for one of both parties. David Sack, MD, of PsychCentral points out that love can't conquer addiction. The addiction takes precedence over everything else, and staying grounded during this time of recovery is vital to staying sober. As such, people in their first year of recovery should avoid dating and focus solely on getting well and maintaining sobriety. Upsetting this balance in early recovery can lead to disaster, as newcomers don't yet have clear values or know where their life is headed exactly, let alone have the ability to carry on a healthy relationship with another person--especially another addict going through the same recovery process. This pairing can be a recipe for disaster.

How to Avoid Being 13th Stepped

As an early recovering addict, it's in your best interest to be aware of what can happen and know how to sidestep any potential pitfalls. Avoid a potential betrayal of trust by keeping some distance from individual members of the opposite sex, but don't forget to be an active participant in the group as part of your recovery process. Take the meetings for what they are: a chance to get together on a regular basis with others in your situation to discuss recovery and the methods you can take from it to help in your personal struggle. Although flirting is a healthy behavior when it comes to making connections with others, be on the lookout for exploitative behavior. Avoid making personal connections with a member of the opposite sex that could lead to a sexual or romantic relationship. Talk to your sponsor about any concerns you may have. Above all: focus on yourself and your own path to recovery, not on developing a complex dating relationship with another person going through the same thing you are. Recovery is not about feeling powerless; it's about gaining power in your own life. This article was written by Jules K., who knows how important support is for all successful alcohol treatment plans, but recommends sponsors of the same gender to avoid problems in early recov