Photo: Ken Ruinard/Independent Mail
“Just over a month ago, I could see. Or maybe I should put it this way: I had both my eyes, but they didn’t help me notice how dangerous my life had become. Then, on February 6, my world went black.”
Kaylee Muthart, 20, injected what she now believes was tainted meth into her body. She was still high the next day and saw hallucinations that made her believe pulling out her eyes was a way to save the world. Since then, Kaylee’s story has gone viral. She’s recently been interviewed by Cosmopolitan, and appeared on The Dr. Oz Show, claiming that, “life is more beautiful than ever,” and sharing her message of hope even through her life-changing tragedy.
“I Tried To Stop. I Carried It In My Pocket To Prove “This Stuff Is My Bitch'”
“I want people to know they shouldn’t use drugs,” Muthart told the Independent Mail earlier this month. “It manipulates your thought process. Marijuana is a gateway drug. I used to think it wasn’t but it is.”
Muthart said her meth use began months before she pulled out her eyes, when she believes someone spiked marijuana with meth or some other drug. She later began using meth herself.
In her interview with cosmopolitan, Kaylee explains how she began to resort to drugs:
“I didn’t have a job and my relationship with my boyfriend of two years began to deteriorate. To cope, I kept smoking pot and drinking alcohol and started taking Xanax recreationally. On the verge of our breakup, I had a mental breakdown. Months later, in February 2018, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It made sense, since when I felt happy, I felt super happy, and when I felt down, I felt deeply depressed. The turbulence left me especially susceptible to drug abuse, my doctors later told me.”
Over time, Kaylee began befriending those who resorted to drugs like herself. She claims she was lonely, and unhappy, but sought out laced marijuana to feel the way she had once felt on it – at peace. As months passed, Kaylee decided to smoke crystal meth for the first time with a friend.
After seeing a video of herself on the drug of herself, Kaylee swore off the drug and turned to Ecstasy. However, over time, resorted back to meth. She notes, “Two or three times, I tried to stop: I carried meth in my pocket all day as if to prove, “This stuff is my bitch,” but I always ended up taking it.
The Day Life Went Dark
The fateful day came that made Kaylee’s story viral. As timing would have it, Kaylee’s Mother had sought out the help of a treatment facility, however the help had come too late. Now Kaylee has turned the moment her world went dark to a day of freedom and inspiration despite – her trials and tribulations. Kaylee explains that day and her psychosis in depth:
“On the morning of Tuesday, February 6, I was still high. I was hallucinating, so my memories are fuzzy, but based on what I remember and details I’ve pieced together from other witnesses, here’s what happened: Thinking the friend I’d gotten high with had gone to church, I wandered there along a railroad track. Even though it was 10:30 in the morning, everything looked dark and gloomy apart from a light post, where I thought a white bird was perched.”
“It was then I remember thinking that someone had to sacrifice something important to right the world, and that person was me. I thought everything would end abruptly, and everyone would die, if I didn’t tear out my eyes immediately. I don’t know how I came to that conclusion, but I felt it was, without doubt, the right, rational thing to do immediately.”
Then, with her middle and pointer finger, Kaylee clawed her own eyes out. While all this was happening, Murthart’s Mother was on the way to the courthouse with her recording to legally get the 20-year-old committed.
After being found by a pastor, Kaylee was airlifted to a hospital in South Carolina. At the hospital, doctors performed emergency surgery to remove what was left of her eyes to preserve her optic nerves and prevent infection.
“Life Is More Beautiful Than Ever”
Two days later, Kaylee woke up, forever changed. “At that point, the sedatives and traces of recreational drugs were still in my system, but I remembered what happened. Everything was dark, and I knew I was blind, but when I sensed my mom by my side, I knew I would be okay,” she stated.
In a recent interview on the Dr. Oz show, Kaylee stated that her life is more beautiful than ever despite being blind – stated with a demeanor of gratitude and eloquence. In her interview it Comsopolitan, she noted, “of course there are times when I get really upset about my situation, particularly on nights when I can’t fall asleep. But truthfully, I’m happier now than I was before all this happened. I’d rather be blind than dependent on drugs. It took losing my sight to get me back on the right path, but from the bottom of my heart, I’m so glad I’m here.”
In previous interviews, Muthart said talking about her ordeal has helped her. She is working with mental health experts who agree that reaching others is a positive part of her recovery. Once Kaylee’s eye sockets are fully healed, she’ll receive prosthetic eyes to fill her face, though they won’t help her see.
Kaylee has been learning to cope with her blindness and is using playing cards to learn Braille and has returned to studying the Bible. Muthart’s Mother has created a “GoFundMe” account to help raise funds to get her a service dog as well as medical expenses. You can donate here.