What it was like?

Active addiction, well, by far the worst pain you can endure. 12 years of it. For me, it started out as being close with doctors and the big pharma. I have Crohns so it started with a little norco and roxicet and some Xanax for anxiety of course. I finished nursing school, was about to marry my high school sweetheart who was a doctor, I had a great house and cars, great job and friends, a family who trusted me. I never considered myself an “addict” ( obviously I was in denial)

What happened?

Well, before you knew it doctors started cutting me off all meds. I thought I’d be fine. Wow, was I wrong! I became everything I ever hated , sooo rapidly too. My relationship failed, I had no where to live , my car got re possessed, I lost my nursing license , my family and friends didn’t trust me at all ( let’s face it, I was lying and stealing from everyone at this point) I got fired from my job.. I had law troubles.. it was like a switch flipped and I don’t even remember. As soon as I didn’t have that high anymore I found a few drug dealers , I went to the shadiest places, spent 400 dollars a day, my health was declining so fast I didn’t even know. I didn’t care, I hated myself and I couldn’t stop... then one day, it happened to ME... I overdosed... by the grace of god my ( new) fiancé found me, gave cpr, I got narcaned 7-8 times , they never thought I’d make it... but I did, the little fight I had left in me. I woke up, terrified, couldn’t hear or breathe without help.. after spending a few days in icu I recovered, and that for me was my breaking point and since then I have not touched a drug.

What it is like now?

Of course this all didn’t come easy, and still doesn’t, everyday is work, a lot of it. But because of that situation I am where I am today. I’m getting married in 2 months to literally the most wonderful human being ( and I mean it! Lol) we have a HOME, nice cars, LOVE, people trust me again, I have my nursing license back and I get to work front line of covid -19 everyday where patients genuinely trust and feel comfortable with me. Besides the materialistic things , the new daily peace I have is amazing , I don’t wake up sick, I don’t think about my next fix and who or how I’m going to get it. I can live open and honest everyday. And I can go to sleep knowing I’m not hurting my loved ones. It’s a crazy journey and it’s ALL worth it. Most of all, I love that people can look at me and hopefully find hope in themselves. I learned this is a second, minute, hour or day process - just for today I can’t , but WE can :)

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