Sober Since: 06 / 10 / 2019
Sober For: 2 Years & 12 Days
What it was like?
Hello, my name is Kaitlin, I’m 30 years old with two kids, 13 and 10. I have been with their father for fifteen years this July. Yup, I was a teen mom. But I don’t regret it for a minute, because my kids ultimately saved my life. When I had my daughter at 17, her dad was right by my side the entire time. All my friends were out getting high and partying, while we were at home taking care of a baby. Sadly there were even some friends who had kids but left them behind to go out and party. I could never understand why or how they could choose drugs over their kids....
Well, fast forward 6 years…One morning I woke up to a phone call, that changed my life forever. My friend had committed suicide, he hung himself and left his little girl behind. My heart broke for him and his family. That is honestly when my drinking started becoming more frequent. I started drinking daily. But still, at this time, I didn’t think I had a problem because my bills were paid, my kids were doing great and my house was beautiful, etc. fast forward 1 year … I’m a mess, I don’t eat, I throw up all the time from anxiety, I drink from the moment I wake up. I was failing at life. My health was declining quickly. I was so sick that I reached out for help from my doctor. She did a bunch of tests to figure out what was going on with me. Turns out I had Cirrhosis of the liver and I was told that if I didn’t stop drinking, I would die. I was 28 years old. You would think that this would have stopped me from going back to the booze, but it didn’t because I was careless, in denial, and not ready to be honest about my problem. It wasn’t until 1 year later, that I decided I wanted to live. I wanted to live for myself and I wanted to live for my kids. But to completely honest, my eye-opening moment was when I saw videos of people who basically check themselves into hotel rooms and drink themselves to death – their guts literally leak out. it’s horrible. I found these videos on an Instagram page called ‘crime scene clean up.’ They do a lot of death by alcohol posts and although it’s a gruesome scene, I think its something that should be shown to people with alcoholism because it’s ultimately what made me call for help. I didn’t wanna die like that! I wanted the old me back, and if I had it my way, I’d come back even better. So I checked myself into a treatment facility through addiction campuses called the bluffs in Ohio. They saved my life. I have so much I could say about them. They are truly amazing. I plan to go back there one day, to share my story with them. I’ll never forget how I felt when they dropped me off at the airport after completing treatment… I was absolutely terrified. It kinda played out like a commercial. At the airport, I found out I had to pay a ton of extra money for my luggage because it weighed 85lbs, then I was placed between two bigger guys and I was so uncomfortable. I had so many emotions at this time. Talk about a freaking test… I wanted to drink so bad. That was a long flight. The 6-hour flight felt like a lifetime. When I got home I was fine, I was working the steps, reading the books, but now I have my own way of doing things and that’s OK. Whatever keeps us sober right?
What it is like now?
I’m excited to say, that on June 10th, I will be one year sober, my health is extremely better and I’m extremely proud of what I’ve Accomplished while being sober. Just knowing that I can still have fun and I don’t need alcohol for everything is a great feeling. I have also dealt with Difficult times while being sober, which was a real test for me. But I have been able to remain sober through it all. About a month ago, the nine-year-old daughter of my friend who had committed suicide, also took her own life. This was devastating. I have had to deal with this situation without numbing myself, and that is so hard, but I have been able to use my new coping skills to get through it. The biggest thing though is that I have to remember That I’m allergic to alcohol. If I use I will die, end of story! It’s been hard to put everything into words, but I mainly want to share my story because I want to spread the message that alcohol can really kill you. I didn’t get DUI, I didn’t lose my children, I didn’t wreck my car or anything like that, but I almost lost my life by poisoning my body...