What it was like?

Unlike most addicts I never woke up needing a drink. I didn't crave alcohol and luckily I didn't need to detox. On the other hand, like most addicts I lost the most important things to me: friends/lovers, a promising career & most of all myself.  Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse left ignored had all the makings of the perfect storm; a recipe for disaster.

What happened?

It was April 17 2010, I woke up after I had passed out In a fireplace in a strange apt in NYC. Somehow I was in my mid 30's, I had gained more than 60 Lbs. I was $62K in debt. My car had been repossessed. I destroyed my personal & professional reputation. I was financially & emotionally bankrupt. The only thing I had to show for it was isolation, humiliation, & desperation. I knew everything I did and was doing was wrong but was too exhausted and numb to fight back. I had spiraled out of control & didn't know what to do. I was someone I didn’t even like but couldn’t change. There's really not an APP for that. The pain was so raw that the idea of living another day was unbearable. I had nothing left to give or to live. I hit my rock bottom.

What it is like now?

The absence of alcohol allows me to see life through a clear glass.   Most Important,I  practice what I preach and hold myself accountable.   MY RECOVERY IS MY RESPONSIBILITY.  I am responsible  For MY actions, choices I can control, I have to put the work in. I'm not looking for a pill to fix or to blame. It’s no one fault but my own if repeat the same dysfunctional pattern. Sobriety placed my wife into my life. I feel like the universe tailor-made her& hand delivered her to me. I am finally balanced and proud to be the person I've become.  My existing friends are people I am proud to be around. This new found health has inspired me to dedicate my life to travelling the road of wellness, assisting anyone I can help along the way.  I speak for NAMI (national alliance on mental illness) all across the state, building Awareness and breaking stigmas in mental health issues. I'm still performing stand-up comedy. I teach comedy at North Shore Community College.