Is Sobriety Boring? Finding Things You Actually Want to Do

Edited from Tim Stoddart's original video; his personal time references are from the recording. Editorial help follows below.

What's up everyone. Tim Stoddart here with Sober Nation, happy Monday. I hope that you guys are all doing great. I hope you enjoyed your weekend. The topic today. I was on a podcast this morning, it's called Self-Made and Sober. I really enjoyed it. It was a great conversation. And in the podcast I briefly mentioned that when I first got sober I was really terrified, probably more than anything, that I was going to be bored. To me in my mind at the time, not being able to do drugs, not being able to drink, not being able to party and be reckless and always put myself in terrible situations meant that my life was gonna be boring.

And you know, I really mean when I say that that fear caused me more anxiety and like more terror than anything else. To me it was like, what's the point? You know, like what's the point? I don't want to do all this work and get sober just to be bored. Like, I'd rather keep having fun and like, sure sometimes I'll be miserable and my life will be in shambles, but at least I'll be enjoying myself some of the time.

Is Being Sober Boring?

And that's like a real thing to talk about because I have learned the longer that I've been sober, that I'm not the only person that felt that way. That in fact a lot of people are anxious and fearful and scared that they're gonna be bored. And so here's the deal. Is being sober boring? No.

My first year in sobriety wasn't the most exciting time of my life, especially the first six months. You know what I'll say the first six months of my sobriety, it wasn't all that exciting. I spent a lot of time reading, I spent a lot of time just sitting around in kind of anxiety, trying to figure out exactly what I was doing and like what my place in the world was. I spent a lot of time going to meetings. I spent a lot of time standing in parking lots, huddled around in like small groups, talking to other guys. I drank a lot of coffee. I still drink a lot of coffee.

It's not all fun and games in the beginning because it takes work to get sober. It takes work to dig deep and like have the courage to see those parts of yourself that may have been causing you pain. So much pain that you were taking drugs and you were taking alcohol to kind of numb it and to escape it. So yeah if you're watching this and you're thinking to yourself, "Man, I really needed to get my act together, but I'm afraid to be bored." I'm not going to be like, "Look, you're going to get sober and your life is going to be like full of fucking roller coasters and you know, like really exciting moments." Because that may not be the case. I've talked to people where like the first year was really uneventful. And if that's your experience, that's okay because like it's better to have calmness and still in this and self-reflection than it is to live in a world of turmoil and excitement at the expense of your own destruction.

Becoming Comfortable With Yourself

But here's what I will say. Over time... And this is the important part. I wish I didn't take so long to get to this point because this is the real point that people need to hear. And that that I'm trying to make. Over time, as you become more comfortable with yourself, you'll find this stuff that you genuinely love doing. It took me a little bit to discover how much I love doing the things that I love to do now. It took me some time to discover how much I love to travel. And it took me some time to discover how much I love building websites, and how much I love working on my companies. It took me some time to get comfortable enough to talk to people to discover that I genuinely enjoy talking to people.

It doesn't always mean that like I'm the most extroverted person in the world. Like I think I'll probably still to my core a bit of an introvert, but if I never would've gotten sober, I'd never would have had the courage to step out of myself. I always would have been like that quiet awkward kid in the corner that was just so terrified to talk to people. I never would have gotten married because I never would have had the courage to like actually approach that beautiful girl. And that stuff is way, way more exciting than all the other fucking nonsense and like destructive behaviors that I used to put myself through.

It's true. It's really true. So to wrap this up, I guess when we need to do is we need to define while we're talking about. Does boring mean less grandiose? I shouldn't say that, cause my life is pretty crazy. Does it mean less destructive? Does it mean more peace then? Yeah, it's boring. My life is way more peaceful than it was 10 years ago. But does it mean that I don't enjoy myself more? Absolutely not. I enjoy being myself a gazillion times more today than I ever did when I was getting high.

I hope that helps somebody. If you have any questions, if you want to talk to someone, please feel free to reach out to me. You can email me at [email protected]. This is an important subject and please take this shit seriously.

Do what you gotta do in the beginning. Grin and bear it if you need to. Work with somebody, talk to a therapist, go to treatment, do whatever it is that you gotta do to get to that point where you're not obsessing over drugs and alcohol anymore. All right, thanks for watching. Talk to you next week, sobernation.com. Check me out. Later.

Additional help from Sober Nation

Boredom, or something else?

Boredom and low mood can be hard to tell apart from the inside, and you do not have to sort it out alone. If nothing sounds appealing for weeks, you have stopped enjoying things you used to like, or you are sleeping far too much or too little, those are reasons to talk with a doctor or counselor rather than to push through. Depressive and anxiety disorders frequently occur alongside alcohol use disorder, and the NIAAA advises seeking treatment for them alongside drinking problems (NIAAA). Our depression in recovery page has more. If you have thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 in the US (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

A simple experiment instead of a bucket list

1. Pick three activities for the next two weeks. One physical, one social, one solo and quiet.
2. Do each one twice, even if the first time is awkward.
3. Afterward, rate each 1 to 5 on "would I do this again," not "was it amazing."
4. Keep anything that scores 3 or higher. Replace the rest and repeat.

Starting points by type

• Physical: walking a set route, a beginner class, pickup sports, swimming. See exercise in sobriety for how to keep it realistic.
• Social: a standing breakfast with one friend, a recovery meeting or sober meetup, volunteering at a fixed time each week.
• Solo: cooking one new dish, a library card and a reading chair, a small repair or building project, music, drawing.
• Evening replacements: the hours you used to drink need a specific plan. Things to do instead of getting wasted and sober activities for today have concrete options.