What is a Sponsor? - Why and How to Get a Sponsor

Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and other 12-step programs are based heavily on tradition, because those traditions work. One of the most important traditions in AA is sponsorship (while sponsorship exists in other programs, too, we’ll use AA in this article for simplification). It is recommended that everyone in AA get a sponsor, but many newcomers to the program will ask the question, “What is a sponsor?”

What is a Sponsor?

In its official literature, AA describes a sponsor as “one person to turn to without embarrassment when doubts, questions, or problems linked to alcoholism arise.” A sponsor is also described as an “understanding, sympathetic friend.” Essentially, a sponsor is a mentor. A sponsor is someone who has significant experience in AA and sobriety and helps mentor someone with less experience, especially when that person is a newcomer. There are no official rules on who can be a sponsor; sponsorship in AA is very informal. As a general guideline, however, it’s recommended that a sponsor have at least one-two years of sobriety. Some recommend that a sponsor have at least five years of sobriety. Sponsors should be confident in their sobriety, have a positive attitude, and have the time and willingness to dedicate themselves to being a mentor.

Why Should You Get a Sponsor?

When you’re a newcomer to AA, there is a lot to learn about sobriety and how AA works. It can be overwhelming at first. You should get a sponsor so you have one person that you can count on to help you get adjusted to AA and sober living. You’ll undoubtedly have questions and concerns, and with a sponsor, you can address those issues on an individual basis. Sponsors can be particularly helpful for people who are struggling with the idea of spirituality. You shouldn’t look for a sponsor to give you answers; a sponsor should help you find your own answers.

Working the Steps

When AA members reach the 12th step, “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs,” sponsorship is considered a way to carry the message and help others. A sponsor can offer support as you go through the 12 Steps by helping you to understand the Steps and offering their own experiences as guidance.

How Can You Get a Sponsor?

The most common way to find a sponsor is through attending AA meetings. Members of AA usually try to reach out to newcomers by introducing themselves and offering their phone numbers for support. Someone might offer to be your “temporary sponsor” so that you have one person to count on immediately until you find a more permanent sponsor. Some groups have lists of members who are willing to be sponsors. As you go to meetings, look for active members of AA who you think you might be compatible with, and ask them if they will sponsor you. Or, reach out to any member of AA and ask if they can recommend a sponsor. Also, remember that if it turns out you’re not compatible with your sponsor, you can get a new one.

What to Look For in a Sponsor

Beyond the sobriety time mentioned above, people who have been through it usually point to the same few things. Look for someone who works the steps themselves and can take you through them, who is honest enough to tell you what you do not want to hear, who has the time to answer the phone, and whose life in sobriety looks like something you would want. Most members suggest a sponsor of the same sex, or in any case someone with whom there is no romantic possibility, so the relationship stays about recovery. It is fine to ask for a temporary sponsor while you look, and fine to change later.

A Personal Account From a Sober Nation Writer

A member of the Sober Nation team wrote the following in 2014. It is one person's experience of sponsorship, kept here in their words.

One of the most important things you can get from your sponsor is his or her experience. Living life without drugs or alcohol is very new and foreign to us. For years many addicts have used drugs as the solution to their problems, and now are expected to handle life without their main coping mechanism. Whatever type of situation you are going through, chances are your sponsor has already gone through it. My sponsor reminds me to be grateful. Maybe I am having a bad day at work, or maybe I am having trouble in a relationship. These problems are nothing compared to what I used to go through while in active addiction, and with a little reminder from my sponsor my perception will change.

Another benefit of a sponsor is being held accountable. It is very difficult to see the truth in a situation, especially when it pertains to myself. I have heard over and over again that we are the last ones to really see what is going on with us. Your sponsor has an outside perspective, and as long as he or she is honest with you, your sponsor will always give you a different perspective of the truth.

My sponsor has been the most important relationship I have ever made in my recovery. I am writing this so that I can share how having a sponsor has kept me sober, even long after I completed the steps. Admittedly, I don't go to a lot of meetings. But if my sponsor tells me to do something, I do it. If he gives me a suggestion, I take it. I know in my heart that he would never tell me anything to hurt me. So if you don't have a sponsor, get one. At least a mentor. Someone who you can rely on to tell you the truth. It may save your life.