What it was like?

Complete & total chaos - from waking up in a jail cell with no recollection of why to waking up in a homeless man's sleeping bag I stole...

What happened?

I got sober for the first time almost 4 years ago now. I relapsed just shy of a year in. I wanted to be the exception to the rules. I wanted to be "normal" so I relapsed, relapsed HARD. Then I lived through a very dark chapter of life & alcohol and cocaine quickly became my best friends again. I got a DUI, went to outpatient treatment - kept drinking. It wasn't until I was finally starting to get "control" of my life and experience happiness again that a light-bulb went off in the form of a Disorderly Conduct arrest. I found out I was actually the problem - not my trauma, not my circumstances, ME! I was arrested that one last time and haven't looked back. It's amazing how you can transform your life once you hold yourself accountable.

What it is like now?

Still chaos - but a much more beautiful chaos. I have energy. I feel ALIVE. I have feelings! Life is good and bad at the same time and I am grateful for all of it.