Sober Since: 05 / 25 / 2018
Sober For: 3 Years & 362 Days
What it was like?
I had been using anything I could get my hands on from cocaine, methaphaine, mdma, you name it - it all stares when I was just 15. Life was very rough and I reached a point of not caring anymore, I didn’t care for anyone around me and most importantly I didn’t give one crap about myself. I had nobody to talk to which eventually turned into drinking every single not and going to school hungover most mornings. After so long the alcohol wasn’t enough, I decided to explore the medicine cabinet at home. As soon as I did that there wasn’t any turning back. I began popping pills every chance I had and because my cabinet only consisted of so many pills I had turned to some bad “friends” who introduced me to just about everything else you could name. I had nothing to stop me from trying everything that was offered. Because my life revolved around nothing but getting high/drunk I resorted to stealing my family’s money, missing out on important dates and holidays that I will never get back, I lost the very little support and trust I had with family and friends. Life had quickly taken a turn for the worst and I honestly never thought I’d have a chance of having a life any different.
It took my poor cousin to drive me to the emergency room while overdosing after night filled with molly and meth, sitting there in the hospital bed hooked up to IVs and the equipment and feeling nothing but disgusted with myself. That’s what it took for some sense to be knocked in. I saw the pain in my wonderful cousins eyes, how sickly afraid she was. It was heartbreaking. After being released from the hospital it didn’t take long for the news to travel in the small town I live in. I was confronted and lectured by many, I heard all the terrible things people would say behind my back. That was the lowest point of my life during this time. I became severely depressed and suicidal. I decided to make the difficult choice of speaking with a therapist. Thank god I did. This soon resulted in being referred to rehabilitation. It took a couple different times, very time consuming and an emotional roller coaster. But I did it, I made it out alive.
What it is like now?
Today is nine months sober and I am so damn proud of myself for staying clean and healthy so long. It’s been anything but easy with several setbacks. But knowing how rock bottom feels, how terrifying and worthless i felt. I never want to be that person again. I didn’t want the drugs to take over any longer and die as a result, definitely not how I wanted to be remembered as a person either. I know I am better than that and worth so much more! I’m still s child with an entire life ahead of me. The drugs aren’t worth it. I’ve never felt better and so alive.