What it was like?

My drinking started as a way to have fun, fit in. Feel less awkward. After my mom died when I was 22, alcohol became a way to cover up my feelings of grief and pain. I learned quickly that alcohol covered many feelings. It changed my perception of reality.

What happened?

Over time my tolerance grew. But with that tolerance came night sweats, blackouts, morning shakes, and living in constant fear and depression. Thoughts of suicide and wanting to die. I was trying to fill a spiritual hole in myself with alcohol. I tried to quit drinking on my own many times, to no avail. I had to hit the point of desperation, ask for, and receive help from outside of myself.

What it is like now?

After going through IOP treatment I began attending 12-Step meetings. To this day I am still active in my local 12-Step Fellowship. I work the Steps to the best of my ability. I stay teachable and open-minded because every day I learn a new lesson. I continue to build my relationship with my Higher Power and, I share my experience, strength, and hope through my writing on medium.com in my publication Rising From the Ashes. Because sometimes you have to walk through fire in order to grow.