Markell

My life was Hell. I always had to live two days in advance to make sure I would have enough outside issues. I literally worked and gave that paycheck to my drug dealer. Usually leaving me $15 for a week and that barely covered gas for my car and food. nobody knew, and I was always living this double life and it was so exhausting. The things I did during my disease make me sick to my stomach. I doctor shopped big time, pharmacy shoped and would make up fake illnesses so I could get pills. I’m grateful that I didn’t know herowin was an opiate. I was so naive with my addiction to pills. I grew up as a DARE kid. I was very well educated on those drugs and to this day I’ve never tried them. My oldest sister is an active addict so I learned a lot from her. I did try to drink but it made me very ill. I simply had no outside education regarding pain pills and I simply didn’t know what they were. Bottom line is that I was powerless over pills and my life was unmanageable. The last year in my disease I lived out of my car and I live in the Pacific Northwest. I learned from those whom were homeless who to stay warm during the winter and I used to beg for showers at the Flying J truck stop so my work wouldn’t catch on to what was going on. I’m most grateful that my disease didn’t lead me down the path of poor sex conduct.

A coworker, very dear to me was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and something clicked in my head. She has cancer, still is working and never complains. I was ready to get sober for years but just as naive as I was to my disease I was that naive to threatment. I honestly thought you had to be on the TV show Interverion to get help. I could not let anyone know. I was a straight A student, gifted in tennis and foreign languages and I had a full ride scholarship to WSU. I had an old idea that if I let anyone know then I would be deemed a failure. I found out our patient treatment and it worked perfectly with my work schedule and my plan was to do the treatment and be done with the pills and continue on with my life..but God had another plan.

I went through my outpatient and graduated in six months which is rare for a person who gets on Suboxone for opiate withdrawl. Please keep your opinions to yourself. I tried quitting more times than I can count & I just couldn’t get passed day 3. The treatment program gave me a life to redo but Alcoholics Anonymous gave me a life. I was blessed that my counselor was all AA. I quickly learned that other whom were in suboxne had no passion for life. I didn’t get that. We we’re required to go to 2 meetings a weeek and I went to 12. I got a sponsor, started working the steps, properly and got involved with service. I’m sober 6 years & if I would have stuck to my old idea that all that needed to be removed was the substance...I would still be selfish and self-centered to my core. I know the Big Book of AA like the back of my hand and I’m so grateful that the program of AA was there for me and they allowed me to stay. I just wanted to be sober...the rest is icing on the cake.