What it was like?

Alcohol was my drug of choice, my #1 coping mechanism from the age of 16. It was my escape. It was how I ran from my emotions and numbed myself from pain and suffering. My disease progressively got worse. I would change my environment around people who drank more than I did to minimize my problem. I would drink when I was happy, sad, bored, or hungry. Eventually, I would drink alone and drink to sleep at night.

What happened?

Losing friends, forced to withdraw from nursing school, and getting into legal trouble wasn’t enough for me to see alcohol was making my life unmanageable. It also to me to lose my job - the one thing I felt joy from. This was my gift of desperation to finally wake up and realize if I didn’t change, many years of my life would end up being spent in prison. From this day forward, I went to AA, started outpatient rehab, began a drug treatment court program, and started learning a new way of life.

What it is like now?

Today, I live alcohol and drug free. Today, I no longer feel shame or the need to escape. Today, I am able to feel all my emotions and be supported by those around me. Today, I know what self-compassion is. Today, I know how to have healthy boundaries. Today, I am a Registered Nurse. Helping others in ways I never thought I would be able to. I found the peace and joy I saw in others from my first AA meeting, in which now others see in me. I am thankful for all my dark times, as they led me to my best times, a life I am so grateful for.