What it was like?

I drank because I was depressed and I was depressed because I drank. This led down a dark path of questioning life and reasons for living. I have a wonderful wife and two kids and people would say, "how could you drink like that and have such dark thoughts like that knowing you have a family that needs you and friends that care about you?" Those people don't understand the illness. They didn't understand the altered train of thought that was magnified with alcohol. I was a fully functioning alcoholic though, able to drink as much as I wanted without a drop in production at work. I did become more distant from my family and it was because of shame. I was ashamed of how much I drank and then the person I became when I drank. I didn't like this person but I would drink more so I could forget about it. It was a dangerous cycle I was caught in.

What happened?

The two weeks surrounding Christmas in 2017, my drinking really ramped up. I was drinking a half gallon of bourbon every 2 to 2 1/2 days for nearly 2 weeks straight. By the time my birthday rolled around in January, my birthday party actually, I drank so much that I blacked out and flew into a violent rage. I was arrested and the very next day admitted for inpatient treatment for alcholism and suicidal ideations.

What it is like now?

I will hit two years without a drop next month. It has been hard because of the relationships that have changed due to my sobriety. While some have fizzled out, the most important ones have only strengthened. I am more in-tune with my family and job than I have ever been. I am so much healthier and happier than I was before. I still have times where I miss drinking but I tell my wife when the cravings kick in so there is accountability. I owe my sobriety and increased quality of life to some very special friends and family that have helped and supported me every step of the way. I'll never go back.

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