Sober Since: 19 / 5 / 10/1
Sober For: 37 Years & 139 Days
What it was like?
I started drinking at 12 and never realized that some people drink to be social. I liked passing out because I wanted to get away from all the thoughts like "I'm fed up, I'm pissed and I want to die". Needless to say that soon all kinds of trouble started to accompany my drinking.
I lost my home and I lost my mind. I could not sleep and was sure that I will never reach the age of 30. Also I was sure that I had no reason or right to be alive. Felt such a failure in everything... And also that there cannot be anyone or anything that wants something good for me in this life. And then AA found me.
What it is like now?
Now I realize that all that shit was for a reason. And that every day I can start over. Life has been and is full of promise. I have not gotten rid of trouble but I have tools to cope with it when it sometimes comes. I love to be alive and I've learned to love and appreciate myself and through that others. I have friends and all the things I thought I would never have in life. I've studied, started a family etc. All the promises have come true... So grateful.