Jan

I love seeing young people excited to recover. I was a 49 year old had been soccer mom when I found the miraculous Group Of Drunks that became my God on earth to show me the steps to a better life through Alcoholics Anonymous. Never did drugs. Never went to jail (but should have many times). But couldn't go anywhere without pre-gaming and taking along a roadie. I love the taste of a salty dog (vodka and grapefruit juice). I loved drinking. I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. So frustrated that I couldn't drink normally. So upset that I couldn't not drink when I didn't want to. The control freak in me hated being a slave to that bottle. I was tired of hiding the amount I drank from my husband and young adult children (keeping one bottle on the fridge which they saw slowly lose contents while I hid several bottles elsewhere which I consumed from).

I really thought I would need rehab to stop. But soon after I met my new friends at AA, there was a 3 day conference in town. I was on the edge of my seat listening to the speakers' stories. Someone there told me that if I go to rehab, when I get out I will have to get into action at AA and serving others. I realized I had already gone almost 2 weeks without booze (even though it was constantly on my mind). So I decided to use AA as my rehab. I poured my self into the program and my new friends. I went to 3-4 meetings a day. I read literature and enjoyed listening to CDs and old podcasts from past conferences. I'd say my Joe & Charlie phone Ap was one of my most helpful tools. They really explained that boring Big Book in simple, easy to relate to terms with great amounts of humor. They were so funny and entertaining I soon became grateful to have the disease that brought me to this program which has shown me such a better life and taught me to live life on life's terms! There really is no other way. I learned I didn't have a drinking problem I had a thinking problem. I learned to quit thinking I had to control others and everything. I am still learning not to judge. Just love everyone. Let God sort em out later! Not my circus. Not my monkeys. Life is comical and happy now. Fortunately for me, I was able to change my people, places and things during that time.

There have been a few times when I want a drink (or 16). But more than I want that drink I want to NEVER have to stop drinking again. I don't want to take for granted the almost three years of sobriety I have today. During those times I think of a drink I simply refer to the last paragraph on page 43. Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.

This has worked every time! I don't get on my knees, I don't open my Bible, I don't open my Big Book, I simply say God take that thought out of my head!!!! Thank you for keeping me sober! And it has worked every time so far! I am grateful.