What it was like?

I was living in complete misery, lying to people I loved about my addiction, I was losing my morals that I live by. Lost faith in myself, hit rock bottom it was something I couldn't have imagined would happen to me! I medicated to deal with everything, I was numb for a very long time! I choose to not feel! I was in a hell that I created and didn't know how to get out of!

What happened?

I lost respect for myself and others, I was not there for my children, I had a drug addicted baby!

What it is like now?

I'm sober 42 days I'm happier than when I was using, I am there for my children, I'm learning to love myself again, I go to intensive out patient group four times a week I put myself in drug court to hold myself accountable, I am doing individual counseling I'm taking random UA s I'm putting my recovery first and it's paying off!! It's a better life for me and my children! I have a long way to go but never have I felt this good being clean I've tried to stay clean in the past (13 inpatient rehabs)the difference this time is my desire to use again one day has left me I'm in a methadone maintenance program and its doing what it was made to do, keeps me from wanting to get high and use, cravings are gone and stinking thinking has left.... I realize I'm stuck with this disease forever and I'm ok with that today, it's made me who I am and I'm proud of the new me!! I want to stay sober and I choose to do that daily! I've got control of my addiction and it feels great!

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