What it was like?

Alcohol and drugs were not who I really was deep down as a person in my heart and soul it was pure hell

What happened?

My Name Iz Christopher Jacobson ,I have been a veteran drug/alcohol user az far back az I can remember, it all started in 1977 when I was 12, az I watched my brother die on our kitchen floor of an overdose of valium az the paramedics tried to save him. Then it was off to living with people I barely even knew most of my childhood,because I was so rebelous and so mad at the world, I learned everything the hard way,my hurt only became worse as I grew,from the day I started to go to therapists, to the time I tried to live with an abusive alcoholic Father,everywhere I turned no one seemed to really see how I was viewing the world,I was sexually abused at 13 thru 15 by My Momz boyfriend,who in turn; waz a cop,after sum time I had enough and at 16, I beat the crap out of him ,and also for what he had done to me,after that happened I was uncontrollable,I ran the streets like a wild person, drugz,alcohol,anything I could find to numb the reality of the world,I finally after some time of "hiding" was found by my mother,and moved away,timez were getting better for me,so I thought , I just fell deeper into the drugz and alcohol,smaller town and easier to get ,and also the fact if I didnt get it I would find a way to talk people into getting it for me,thingz got worse as they got better, I had a close friend who was 20 yearz my senior,funny, you think you know sumone and you don't ,at all,turnz out after a few yearz of hanging with him( my momz best friends b/f)he gets picked up by the police on a rape charge, and iz convicted,and never see that s.o.b. again, id a liked to beat the shit outta him. liez,deciet,and shame of even knowing the sick bastard.after sum time I met My wife of 12 years together , but methamphetamine and alcohol destroyed that relationship,I have lost most my family to either alcohol abuse,or other similar health issuez,I feel most of them died from straight up deep depression,there have been numourus times i have thought of suicide,but the timez they have hit me the most are in the past,when I didnt have my family and waz living alone ,In June 2006 I attempted suicide when I was extremely intoxicated ,I proceeded to get a motel room,and with a friends help(not his knowledge) got some meth,hard liquor,beer,and drank and drugged for five dayz,then when I was ready, got the Motel room,and felt I had given all i could to this life,and that everyone got what they wanted from me ,but something took over and sent Angelz my way, in the form of Cops,they had come to my room on a suicidal complaint from my ex g/f,whom i dont even recall talking with, I was a black out drunk and was not uncommon to drink for dayz and wake up wundering where the hell i was and how the hell i got there,bottom line iz, the cops were there to help me that day and I blacked out,when i came to, I was in a jail cell,being charged with a felony,assaulting a police officer,I had been calm until they put me in cuffs for my own protection,and I got up after sum time and head butted him in the forehead,when i read the police report sitting in jail,I cried , not only because i was so ashamed,and embarrassed,but because I knew that dugz and alcohol had gotten the better of me, I never had an issue hurting myself,but hurting sumone that had nothing to do with my life,was intollerable,here i was 41 and was still living like the world owed me sumthing, after i was released I met the officer in person,and all iz good, he iz a very good man and iz proud i have changed so much, I have ran with hardest of the crew,playing the deepest meth game,drank in the best of places to the worst, I have danced with the devil until he lost, I am not proud of who I was, but am proud of who I am.I have been Clean and Sober now since June of 2006 .I was known to use any Drug while intoxicated on Alcohol. So now its been 13 years my records expunged I am deep into my recovery and I am now dedicated to helping others in my walk in life to stay clean and abstinent from alcohol and drugs.I am loyal to those who need that help that someone gave me when it seems like everyone turns their back on them because of their hurt and addiction. So on my sobriety milestones I thank Everyone who stays clean and sober ,they are my true inspiration to stay clean 4Ever !!!

What it is like now?

Exhilarating to know that life is behind me now and

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