Sober Since: 11 / 20 / 2020
Sober For: 0 Years & 305 Days
What it was like?
The continuous empty knot feeling in my stomach controlled my mind I was always restless and never content. I could never sit down for more than 2 seconds without having to get up and do something. This particular something was to drink and numb all the past regrets, resentments, and failures of my life. My wife, family, and friends, could no longer trust me or have faith in me. My life had become completely unmanageable again.
The last binge: After losing my job for showing up to work hungover and emotionally incapable of working, I spent the next few weeks getting drunk every day. It affected my home life and soon I was separated from my wife after a day of drinking, damaging our car, calling out all family members of mine and saying things so repulsive, and lastly coming home and kicking down the doors of my own house to which I was arrested and taken to jail.
What it is like now?
After spending 3 months in jail and a month in rehab, by the grace of God, my family, and friends speak to me again and are slowly giving me the trust back I'm working so hard to get. A company recently hired me and has given me a second chance at being a productive member of society. I attend meetings on a regular basis and have a sponsor that holds me accountable. I no longer have that knot in my stomach and I'm letting go of my past failures and regrets. Unfortunately, I won't be able to save my marriage but will take all the lessons learned and apply them moving forward in my life. I will no longer drink to cope again. I love the person I'm becoming.