Name: Abbie Satterfield
Sober Since: 01 / 31 / 2011
Sober For: 10 Years & 144 Days
What it was like?
I was depressed, had anxiety and struggling in every way possible. I would drink to have energy, to be happy then end up crying. I would lay on the bathroom floor begging for death. Alcohol was pure evil and I couldn't stop. I didn't drink everyday or even every month but when I did it would last for days. I absolutely couldn't control it. Just when I was about to take my last breath I would pass out only to awake later to drink again. Its was so horrible I could never write enough. Darkness.
I lost everything. My job, my home, my life. I was battling breast cancer and drinking because I was scared.. My children were so heartbroken. I will never forget my daughter's tears for me. I was hurting the only people who loved me. I went to a recovery place and at first was fighting it every second with excuses. Finally in a group of women they started to tell me what they saw in me and I broke. I had to build myself from the ground up. My goodness it was so painful but I just took it hour by hour (I didn't think I could do an entire day so I did it 20 minutes at a time)
What it is like now?
How can you describe the wind on your face or that feeling when you see the ocean/waves. I see so clearly on everything. I breathe in air and thank Jesus all day long. I don't even know the person I use to be. My life is so peaceful, so happy, so calm. Honestly there aren't words. I want to live forever its so nice. I still struggle on lots of things but I don't drink over them. I cry sometimes but its ok. I learned that I am enough and I'm going to be ok regardless the situation. Its hard to believe I use to drink that is just something so unbelievable now. It feels really good that I am always present because my children are older now and I am really there for them. I feel like I could do anything. Don't get me wrong (I am ashamed of what I did to myself) but it took that to make me the person I am today. I have to hold my head up and keep going no matter what.