Apr 16, 2012 | By Tim Stoddart

When Helping Others Distracts You From Helping Yourself

Recovery

The potential for helping other people is one of the best aspects of being in recovery. Recovering addicts often realize that helping other people is a surefire way to feel good about themselves and reinforce their own sobriety. For members of 12 Step programs, going through the 12 Steps brings an understanding that you have to “give away what you have in order to keep it.”

The joy and self-confidence that comes from helping other people can be addicting in itself. You love how good it feels to do something positive for someone else. Some people are naturally more giving and helpful than others, and they often feel the urge to do whatever it takes to help anyone who needs it. Helping other people is a very good thing, but when too much focus is put on it a person can lose the ability or drive to help themselves.

Know Your Limits

Helping other people can be done financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally, or mentally. While helping other people can add to these areas of others’ lives, it can also eventually deplete these areas for the helper. That’s why it’s incredibly important to know your limits when helping other people. If something is too taxing on you physically, for example, you can’t push yourself to a breaking point. In helping other people, you always have to know when to say no for your own sake. You can’t feel bad for saying no; you have to realize that by respecting your own limitations, you’re preventing yourself from running into the ground where you’d be unable to help anyone.

Make Time for Yourself

Helping other people can be time-consuming. If you pride yourself on helping other people, you have to remember to make time to help yourself, too. It’s important to check in with yourself often. Have you connected to your own recovery lately? When everyone is gone, how do you feel about yourself at the end of the day? Helping other people isn’t a cure for your own struggles or sad feelings. Helping other people can only augment your self-image, so you must make time to care for and love yourself, too.

Know When to Ask for Help

If you get in the habit of always helping other people, others will begin to see you as a caretaker. They may think that you’re the type of person who has everything under control and can be counted on to come to the rescue. If you assume a role of helping other people, other people may not realize when you’re in need of help in return. Whenever you need some type of personal help, you must ask for it. Other people may not be as in-tune to feelings as you are, and they won’t recognize an opportunity to help the way you would. Luckily, all the helping other people you’ve done should mean you have a grateful support system ready to repay the favor and help you in return. Don’t be ashamed of your need for help, and ask for it.