What it was like?

I started drinking and using at the ripe old age of 14. Trying to fit in to belong. I did not seem to fit in anywhere or with anyone. When I was drunk or high I felt like I fit in, but the fact was I just quit feeling at all.

What happened?

My bottom lasted approximately 2 years. I could not get there fast enough. You may have heard the term you hit bottom when you quit digging.. I was not only digging, I was using a backhoe, explosives and nukes to get to my bottom. I had lost about the 15th job, I could not tell the difference between being sick or just the shakes and a hangover. The x-wife had enough and was kicking me out of the house. I was close to homeless, unemployable and angry and drunk.I knew I had to do something so I went to a 12 step meeting. I kept going to meetings.

What it is like now?

Now I am truly free. I have actually started living my life. I now know what happiness is. I have worked at a treatment center. I met the love of my life who is also clean and sober. I moved from Missouri to Colorado to be with her. I do volunteer work for a mental health center there. I got to work at a ski resort something I wanted to do since I learned how to ski. Just a couple weeks ago I got my SCUBA certification something I wanted to do since I was 14. Yeah I now know what it is like to live and not just exist. I smile a lot now. I laugh, I cry, I feel and would not change it for anything..