Sober Since: 10 / 04 / 2015
Sober For: 7 Years & 129 Days
What it was like?
I was miserable. I was always in a state of chaos. Whether it be emotional, mental or physical chaos. I had moments of happiness, but was never really happy. I always wanted to escape from my feelings and my family. I did scary things and suffered dearly. I hurt those I love the most very deeply.
On October 2nd, 2015, I went to a meeting. It was a Friday night. I had been coming to AA since January of 2015, and ended up going "back out". But I kept coming back... Because I desperately wanted SOMETHING. I went to a meeting to try and stop myself from going out to a bar that night. I ended up going out anyway. I knew I was going to get a DUI as I left my home after dropping another meeting attendee off. I knew it. I could feel it. I ended up getting my very first DUI in the wee hours of October 3rd, 2015. I was released and when I got home, my husband and I got into a fight about what had happened. We were both drunk. The fight escalated very quickly and the police were called. When they showed up, my husband had a gun. The police almost killed my husband right in front of me. They arrested him and left. He sustained horrific injuries from the police beating him and had to be taken to the hospital to get staples in his head and leg. A few hours later, the police showed up to my house again. This time with child and family services. They took my little girls from me. By the evening of October 3rd, I was sitting in AA... Broken, lost, terrified. My husband and my children were suddenly gone. I felt so alone. But I knew it was over. I knew it was time to stop. Unfortunately I didn't stop before that horrific night. A few days later, my son was taken from me too. I ended up losing custody of my little boy to his father... Who is an abuser. It was horrifying. My husband is facing 20 years... But here we are... Both of us sober a year later.
What it is like now?
My name is Micalah and I am an alcoholic and an addict. On October 3rd, 2016, I will have one year of sobriety. This is the longest I have been sober since I was 13 years old. This past year has been the most horrifying and tragic year OF MY LIFE... But it has also been the best year of my life. My relationship with God is stronger and more fulfilling than it has ever been. My relationship with my children is stronger and more fulfilling than it has ever been. I want to be a mom. I always felt like there was somewhere else I would rather be... And now there is nowhere else I would rather be than right here with my babies. I don't feel completely out of control anymore. I am so much more at peace with my life than I have ever been. And life is pretty hard right now, but I know that it will get better. And I know that as long as I stay on this journey and keep fighting for my life, that I will get to live the life that I have always wanted. I can see how beautiful this life is...I can SEE. I was so caught up in my own misery that it was drowning me. I have literally learned how to appreciate every little thing. I am finally living. The amount of gratitude that I feel is so great, that it flows up from my heart and out of my eyes. Life is so good. God is so good, and I am SO sober.