What it was like?

Alcohol provided me with an escape. I didn't have to feel any of life's disappointments. I didn't have to feel the hurt or the pain of my experiences. I could just numb & run. Alcohol allowed me to be free & fun. I drank to celebrate a victory or to mourn a loss. I drank 24/7, morning & night I carried vodka in a water bottle. I would wake up with withdrawals, trembles & nausea, then drag myself to the liquor store or bars for more.

What happened?

6 years into my drinking. I had been arrested & hospitalized several times. I woke up one day in an intensive care unit, in liver failure. I was 24 years old & given one week to live. I was a desperate, low bottom drunk. I had lost it all & my life was next. God's grace saved me & for 6 months I struggled to put together any kind of real sobriety. I relapsed badly & was back at the hospital to detox for 'God-willing' the last time. I was finally done, I couldn't live like that anymore, but I didnt know how to live sober either. So, I finally attended my first 12 step meeting, I got a sponsor & worked the steps. This is where I learned 'drinking wasn't my problem, it was my solution'. I began my journey to discovering what the real problem was & it was me.

What it is like now?

Today, my life is beautiful- even when it's not, I can be grateful because I have been blessed with more than I could have ever imagined for myself. I'm a wife & mother. I work 2 12 step programs, attend therapy & church regularly. I've learned that recovery is a journey, not a destination. 'Progress not perfection' I will be trudging the road to happy destiny for the rest of my life, with God, a sponsor, & the recovery community. I have serenity & peace today, something I thought would never be possible. The 12 steps saved & changed my life. The steps provide me with tools to not only stay clean but to have a purposeful, fullness to life- that alcohol & drugs could have never given me.

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