What it was like?

I had no job, no car, and no home. No one would answer my calls or let me in the door. I was extremely depressed and suicidal. Even high I couldn't find peace or happiness. I had tried to be sober before and failed. I was scared to try again. It was like being in the darkest cave. I was alone and hopeless.

What happened?

At seven months pregnant I entered a state run rehab. It wasn't nice and posh like my previous stints. I looked around at my peer group. Most of the women there had lost their children. They were prostitutes and felons. They looked rough and didn't have teeth. They weren't that friendly or optimistic. I knew I didn't want to end up like these women. I found a woman who had a reputation for being spiritual and I asked her to pray with me. I don't remember what she said but I remember a peace coming over me. I really believe it was a spiritual awakening. I am not saying I never had another craving, but I always had strength to fight through it.

What it is like now?

Today at 10 years sober it feels very far from those desperate, lonely moments. I have a loving partner, three beautiful children, and a career I enjoy. I have true friendships. I no longer doubt myself or wonder if I am good enough. I feel whole and complete.

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