Sober Since: 12 / 18 / 2016
Sober For: 4 Years & 277 Days
What it was like?
I was super mom by day black out drunk by night. I wanted everyone to believe I that I was single mom who had it all together, still had my good paying job, house, kids, car and what I thought was everything. I was dying on the inside because deep down I knew it wasn’t true. I was in complete denial about my achololism and I was trying to fill the void with anything to change the way I felt. Alcohol worked until it didn’t. My identity was wrapped around who thought you needed me to be wife, ex wife, mom, girlfriend, professional ext. I had no self worth and was willling to settle for what I thought I deserved which was crap.
On the Morning of December 18, 2016 I woke up out of a blackout and I was in a state of total despair I had no hope, peace serenity I didn’t even know how I was going to buy my kids Christmas or pay rent. The following day I went to my first meeting and picked up a desire chip. I managed to make the 90 meetings in 90 days. And they told me to keep coming back so I did. For 10 months I went to meeting and didn’t drink but my life almost was worse than when I had arrived. I was broke, suicidal at that point I had 3 choices.... Go back out, Suicide, or Surrender. By the Grace of God I chose surrender.
What it is like now?
Today I know that the problem was always me, and the Solution to the problem was God! I am comfortable not being “super mom” and I know my worth! There are simply not enough words to explain the true blessings Sobriety has giving to me! I am eternally grateful to all those loved me until I could love myself. And introduced me to my high power whom I call God! Today I’m a single mother, a bodybuilder, an analyst, a sister, a daughter, a friend an most important an Alcoholic. I must never forget who I am and where I came from!