What it was like?

My life was complete chaos. I didn’t know which way was up or down. I got the taste for alcohol at age 18. I loved it at first and I craved the feeling of total numbness which would happen every night. I was glad I didn’t have to “feel” anything. Emotions were my enemy. It soon took over my entire life and I HAD to drink. It became an obsession almost. I started binge drinking and experiencing blackouts. I became a very selfish person. It did not matter to me who I hurt. I didn’t recognize myself. Alcohol was in control. I wasn’t.

What happened?

I started having a drink here and there casually with friends. It soon became every single night. I couldn’t go out just to go out. I wouldn’t go if no drinks were on hand. I started spiraling into depression...I hid it well with drinking. I was the life of the party...how could I be depressed ? My life was great...right?” I was having fun“ until that fun cost me my job, friends, family and almost my life. On more than one occasion...I couldn’t remember how I even made it home. My friends would recount the night before because I wouldn’t know what had happened or what I had done. I was arrested for DUI and that ultimately was the turning point for me. I knew I had a problem I couldn’t ignore anymore. But it would be 9 more years until I finally got the help I needed.

What it is like now?

I am currently over 10 years sober and I’ve never looked back! It will always be a lifelong struggle. I take it day by day...minute by minute sometimes. I finally found the peace I have been searching for. It was always there. I just didn’t see it. I am very proud of how far I have come and I am even going back to school next spring for Nursing. Something I never thought possible. I have 3 beautiful children that are my entire heart and they played a huge part in my recovery as well. They don’t even know it. I have a wonderful support system in place. They are there for me daily. I want others to know they are not alone and even when things are so dark you don’t see a way out, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. People are there to help. I am living proof that lives can be turned around and people can change. My love to all who are struggling or already in recovery. You CAN do it ❤️

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