What it was like?

Hi , so my sobriety date is September 18, 2013 of 3 years. I remember when I would pick up a drink I knew that I wouldn't have to feel anything. This was my way out of reality. It was a instant gratification, and that's what I yearned for. But once the blackouts were over, I had destroyed my life even more then I thought possible. I had to loose everything that was important to me. I felt like I let myself down and I could never forgive myself. I was a prisoner in my own mind. I was emotionless , I felt nothing. As I gave up on me I drove my SUV straight into a tree splitting my car in half and was unresponsive at the scene. I was dead on arrival but was brought back. I ask myself why??

What happened?

It took me 4 months of ups and downs and 9 newcomer chips to finally realize my importance on earth. I had to face myself, forgive myself for relapsing, for letting people down especially my children. That was the hardest thing to do. Be at war with yourself is deadly.. Finally I had that " spiritual awakening " that people speak of. I really thought that was something made up to give us hope in the program. But it was real.

What it is like now?

Here we are 3 years later and my whole world has changed for the better. I have my family together, I'm engaged, just had my little girl 14 months ago and 1 due in December 2016. Most importantly I found myself. I'm grateful for the hard times because I would never be as strong as I am today. I love myself now and know my worth.. I know I matter!

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