Sober Since: 02 / 28 / 2012
Sober For: 10 Years & 85 Days
What it was like?
It felt like a self induced terror- I was a stay at home mom to a small baby, would drink at night with my husband and his friends, and then when he left for work the next day, I would continue drinking to flee from the hangover, the one I couldn’t get away from anymore now that I woke up early with a baby to take care of. The guilt and the panic from day drinking with an infant and not being able to stop the cycle felt like a nightmare of my own creation. I would black out on the weekends, and I started thinking my house was haunted by demons. One morning I woke up so sick I sat on my bathroom floor and knew I was done, I had to stop.
I started going to meetings, I lost 60 pounds through major diet and exercise, and started getting a career on track for myself. It was really hard for a long time- I would wake up angry and I became pretty isolated because everyone I socialized with previously with a few exceptions bailed on my life, continuing to party. It took about nine months for the feeling of clinging to my sobriety to stop and for me to finally feel like I was never going back.
What it is like now?
I have since become a Marriage and Family therapist working towards licensure, working with a variety of people- those in recovery, and also as a grief counselor. I moved to California from Virginia in 2015, and feel like I’m truly living my best life. I still struggle and have had to do major digging in my own psyche to uncover my own reasons for emotional pain, and it’s a continuous journey of self understanding. I have a beautiful 9 year old daughter that never has to see her mother drunk, and I’m happily married. I recently helped my brother get help for his alcoholism and he celebrated 9 months sober yesterday. My sobriety gave me the gift of realizing, “If I’m unhappy, I can do something about it and change my destiny”. I thank God for that.