Sober Since: 01 / 31 / 2011
Sober For: 10 Years & 235 Days
What it was like?
I don't know the words to describe Hell (burning on fire on the inside) full of disappointment, shame, depression, loneliness and rage. I was crying in the shadows but smiling in the sun. I faked everything about life and drank to find some way to escape even to make it worse.
Everything that could go wrong did. Personally, physically and professional collapsed on me. I lost everything to alcohol and health problems (I had breast cancer) I was drinking on top of my body shutting down. Life was like a bomb going off and I was just watching the destruction helplessly.
What it is like now?
Life now... Have you ever been to a beautiful beach and hear the wind and waves (smell the air) its just so peaceful. Its quiet in my life. I garden and I read my books. I guess I'm a big nerd. Everything I lost I gained back 10xs over. I had to ask for help and I changed everything in my life. I thought at the rate I was going I was going to be dead soon anyhow so why not just change completely and work at it. I'm not alone in this journey I have my family that supports me. God bless anyone going through this. Sometimes I still cry for the girl I use to be because I wish I could have done this sooner for myself but God had a plan and I'm ok with that.