What it was like?

I don't know the words to describe Hell (burning on fire on the inside) full of disappointment, shame, depression, loneliness and rage. I was crying in the shadows but smiling in the sun. I faked everything about life and drank to find some way to escape even to make it worse.

What happened?

Everything that could go wrong did. Personally, physically and professional collapsed on me. I lost everything to alcohol and health problems (I had breast cancer) I was drinking on top of my body shutting down. Life was like a bomb going off and I was just watching the destruction helplessly.

What it is like now?

Life now... Have you ever been to a beautiful beach and hear the wind and waves (smell the air) its just so peaceful. Its quiet in my life. I garden and I read my books. I guess I'm a big nerd. Everything I lost I gained back 10xs over. I had to ask for help and I changed everything in my life. I thought at the rate I was going I was going to be dead soon anyhow so why not just change completely and work at it. I'm not alone in this journey I have my family that supports me. God bless anyone going through this. Sometimes I still cry for the girl I use to be because I wish I could have done this sooner for myself but God had a plan and I'm ok with that.