Nov 2, 2013 | By Veronica Vallie
How to be a Sober Girl
Personal Addiction Recovery StoriesWho wants to get sober, I mean really? Didn’t your heart sink when you finally realized you couldn’t drinkanymore and the ‘fun’ was over? Even though by the time you quit drinking it had stopped being fun a while back.
Our culture has a very strong belief that alcohol = fun, and I would go as far as saying that we also mistakenly believe we can’t have fun without it. Which is why quitting seems so drastic to most people.
When we get sober we realise we have been suffering from delusional thinking, and when restored to our right minds we begin to see the world differently. Thankfully, and to our amazement sobriety isn’t as boring and dull as all those drinkers out there painted it to be.
Isn’t that interesting?
Which is why I’m very vocal about being a recovered alcoholic. I want to tell the world that life without booze is a blast and that recovery rocks.
I’m tired of hearing about rock-bottom stories and drunk-alogues I want to hear about how great life is without the booze.
I know that it’s not always perfect and we all have challenges but that is the juice of life. It’s how we learn and grow.
At least now we are sober we have a chance to grow into the people we were always meant to be.
I got sober in my twenties and I wish someone had shown me things could have been different earlier. I wish that I had seen some kind of alternative to the partying lifestyle I was living. I really believe we need to start challenging the myths about drinking and sobriety that exist, especially for young people. We need sober role models, something that problem drinkers could aspire to. So with that in mind, I wrote the ‘Sober Girls Rules.’
Sober Girl Rules
- Don’t drink alcohol. Ever.
- Are true to themselves.
- Are too busy having a good time to care what you think about them.
- Are comfortable in their own skin.
- Are often the coolest person in the room.
- Make fun a priority.
- Get up and seize the day.
- Don’t care why you don’t drink or how you got sober, we’re just glad you did
- Have sex when they want to and don’t regret it later.
- Never make mistakes but instead create opportunities to grow
- Live by their own rules.
- No longer have regrets
- Always leave the party with their integrity intact.
- Show up when they say they will
- Know sometimes the right decision is sometimes the difficult one
- Stay sober because it brings exciting opportunities
- Strive to live their truth above all things
Let’s rebrand sobriety!
Veronica Valli is the author of ‘Why you drink and How to Stop: journey to freedom’ available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and iTunes. She is a recovered alcohol, addictions therapist and life coach. Her blog is: http://veronicavalli.com.
Nancy Williams
10 years ago
I’m in the description that you wrote! I love being sober! I guess I’m still a sober girl except that I’m 54 years old…who cares! Share the power!
Amy Breitkreitz
10 years ago
I LOVE THIS AND I LOVE SOBRIETY!!! Thank you for putting a new spin on how awesome sobriety is…Boozin’ is loosin’ for sure!!!
Cecilia Martinez
10 years ago
I too am the description from above! ! am 53 years old. Alcohol took from me, off the wagon and on the wagon, about 30 years of my life. I always felt less than because I KNEW that what I was doing was killing my body inside and out. I couldn’t quit. I was possessed by the devil. The devil tempted me with alcohol and got me hooked. It was really fun at first…….. Alcohol was the tool the devil used to kill me and hurt his rival, God. The devil had guided me down the road of a very slow, shameful, and painful death. I I did not turn my back on God, I was hiding from him. I was so ashamed…I couldn’t let God see me like that. I was desperate, I truly thought I was dying. I literally would cry out loud to God to help me, and he did. God saved my life. I had forgotten what God wants for me. God wants me to be “happy, joyous and free” And that is not a just a quote it is real. Now I truly have peace and serenity. I have nothing to hide. It is really easy to be a good person, a heck of a lot easier than a sneaky, lying, fumbling, blabbering, undependable, drunk- driving, disgusting, useless, excuse for a human being…….I am 9 months sober, and I can honestly say I am happier than I have ever been in my whole 53 years of life.. I feel so much lighter, I feel like giving, and sharing, the happiness God has given me. The Salvation Army is where God lead me. I spent 6 months working on myself, unjumbling and deleting most of the useless garbage in heart and head. While I was working on myself, the Salvation Army took care of everything else, so that I could truely work on myself, They gave me food to eat, we never went hungry!!, a bed to sleep in, showers, transportation, fellowship….counseling, entertainment, a full six months of working on myself. I will be forever grateful to The Salvation Army. God is Great!
danielle k
10 years ago
I love this article and absolutely agree and love it. Thank you.
Hollie Doyle
10 years ago
I love this article and I am a sober girl that loves to be sober. I wake up every day with great enthusiasm, hope and strength I never had when I was using. Thanks for sharing Veronica.
lila
10 years ago
I’m a 51 year old sober girl. You are right, we somehow need to get the word to young people, a party doesn’t have to be all about getting messed up!
TechAdmin
10 years ago
Thank you Veronica for your wonderful guest post! – Corey
Karen Swanson-Woolf
10 years ago
Agree! I’ve been a Sober Girl for 10 days now! And, am very proud…
Bruce Jones
10 years ago
I’m approaching my 20th yr. or sobriety on the 18th of Nov. and I can relate to all that was said. However the idea I could never drink again was a tough one, until one day I was invited to a bar with some people and it wasn’t anything more than a get together, so I respectfully declined. I told them I was a recovering alcoholic and although I had no problem with going to a bar or important event serving alcohol, but just to go and watch others drink, wasn’t my scene. Then one friend said, “Oh that’s too bad, you can’t drink anymore” to which I quickly responded, “No, I can drink anytime I want!!, I choose not to”! once I realized it in fact was a choice, the power of the word “can’t” was removed, and never again gave me any issues. For me choosing to do something is far less problematic than being told I can’t.
Greg Yates
10 years ago
Nice article. The Sober Girl Rules work very well for Sober Boys too. Thanks.
Anja Van Elgort
10 years ago
I totally agree! It is refreshing to run into people whom I’ve met in the rooms and they are out doing their lives and not getting caught up in the drama of being sober as if it’s a death curse. I am more grateful than ever to find complete happiness in my life, and myself, and that I did the work to get here. I have found so many other productive and life altering ways to keep myself living that have offered incredible growth and self-confidence. While it is oddly difficult to find people who are truly happy in their lives I don’t let that aspect effect my goals and my happiness. I am free!
Alicia
10 years ago
In one week I’ll have one year and, hell ya, we’re always the coolest girl in the room!
julie
10 years ago
i don’t even know where to start, i quit drinking not by choice on oct, 24 3013, i had not drank that day, but i had gone to the dr, earlier that a.m.got my meds came home took a bar, 1xanax, 1 soma, and 1 roxy and 1 oxy,My husband said go to krystals and get us something to eat, ok, took my yorkie with me, of course he was all over the car wanting a burger, i missed my driveway so i just pulled over in front of the neighbors house, next thing i see is a cop car out of no where, said i was drunk that he could smell it on me, and i had not been drinking i had 3 small drinks 19 hours earlier, i guess my meds kicked in, and i never drive until i am in control, i have been on these meds xanax for 27 years and the others for8 years, so I go to jail, for a second DUI, I got one 6 years ago, thats a neat story too, wasn’t even in my car, i was walking into Publix, and yes I had been drinking.. so i paid my dues for that, so here i am now facing another one, i am not worried about this one because i had not been drinking, its the meds and the dog that caused this one, i have not been to court yet i go dec 9, i pray everything will be dropped, well back to the drinking, i am like alot of you, i started out about a year ago with wine and proceded to vodka, and with a soma and xanax what a buzz, but i never drove, never i could not go thru what i did the first time i got a dui, so ashamed, i don’t know what the outcome will be but i will pay my dues, i am literaly scared to death on the insided, my husband continues to drink, he did yesterday and i almost drank but of course you can’t with something around your ankle, i don’t know what the future holds, and i don’t plan on drinking again, just one day at a time, right.. does this sound as if i am in denial?? did i mention i am 54 and have been married to the same man for 36 years?? he is so mad at me he wants a divorce, and let me tell you i have been down a rocky road my whole life with him, he is a veteran and he has done and said things and he also has 2 dui’s under his belt, from 32 years ago, i have been beaten, to the point where i had to be hospitalized, tortured, scared to go home at night, after going to dance classes, you name it we have been thru it, we have 2 kids 36 and35 and 5 grandkids, our kids both just got out of rehab, born addicts, its what they learned wow do i feel responsible, ok this is the very first time i have ever posted anything… and this took alot of guts, i am so embarrassed, do i need help no, I take my meds like im supposed to i do not abuse them.. i never run out, i have before but not by choice, my meds were stolen from me by my brother twice, i was sick as hell….. i felt like i had the flu times 1000..could some of you reply to this post and tell me how you feel about it, be true, please i need help and somebody to talk to, I try to talk to God, and pray but i don’t think or know about God, I wasn’t raised in church, i do own a bible but i don’t understand it,. i am not stupid, i just don’t get it… feedback is the word i am looking for, support maybe i want honesty too. i came from a broken home, my mother walked out on me and my siblings, my sister was 18 months at the time and my borthers were 10 and 9, she never calls me, she thinks i am on drugs all the time and messed up, my daddy is my hero,.my mama was and is a alcoholic, but she is rich and has been married 3 times, and doesn’t want for anything, she just loves to drink, she is a widow now and i heard lonely, i wish she would at least let me talk to her, but when i try she says you need to get off those pills or you won’t get your inheritance, wth??she was on drugs before, i remember one time she had to have her stomach pumped, i remember one time i walked in on her on her 50th birthday surprise party i gave her and she was snorting coke, wow i will never get that picture out of my head,,. i could go on and on, but for now this is it… please help, someone talk to me … thank you!
Veronica Valli
10 years ago
Thanks to all you awesome Sober Girls (and Sober boys) for all your comments. Its so glad to hear there is more to recovery than hitting a rock bottom and just staying away from a drink one day at a time. Because if sobriety wasn’t awesome, I’d rather be drunk!
16 Days Sober
10 years ago
Julie–hope you see this. Two things have been very helpful to me. One is AA. I’m sure you’ve heard about it. I have NEVER been to a meeting where I didn’t hear something that helped me. The other thing is Hello Sunday Morning, started by an Australian guy who has awesome ideas about changing our relationship with alcohol. Their website it fantastic–Google it–you just sign up anonymously and begin communicating with the most wonderful people who are in the same struggle you’re in. It is FANTASTIC. Good luck and God Bless!
Mike B
10 years ago
As a thirty year veteran of recovery, I hand it to you! I have also worked hard to destroy the stigma associated with alcoholism and am very grateful that there is a younger generation taking up the reigns. You ROCK RECOVERY, Young Lady!!
Sober&Serene
10 years ago
I really enjoyed this article very much! It’s a refreshing way to speak about being sober! YES there is TONS of fun in sobriety! Now I also wake up in the mornings feeling great. And that is one of the best things about sobriety too-To not wake up feeling horrible and hating myself. I am now able to go out and not have to be wasted to have fun! This was and is still very important to me cuz since the very first few times I began to drink (which eventually ended up to be heroin addiction) I really felt like I was not able to enjoy ANY kind of activity without drinking or doing some other kind of substance. I have rebuilt the close relationships I had lost with my family. I hated myself for what my using was doing to them. I am now still in the process of finding and building new friendships with other sober females. I am having a really hard time with this to be honest. Once I got sober and STAYED sober I had to do something extremely difficult in order to remain in a clean lifestyle. I had to get rid of ALL of the people I was using with. And one of them was my very best friend,since I was a kid really. It still hurts and I miss her so much. But I had to get serious about what I wanted out of my life and what I needed to live a sober and FUN life again! Anyway those are just a few reasons why sobriety really does ROCK!
Barry
10 years ago
Those same rules applies to everyone, even guys, even older guys like myself. I’ve been living those rules for 33 years and am so happy and fortunate I got sober at 23. I had a world ahead of me and seized opportunities as well as setbacks and did them all sober. Get on the party train, the sober way. It’s a lifestyle worth having.
Jeanna Gray
10 years ago
I also love this article! I am 28 years and have been sober for 18 months and it is awesome!!! Thank you Jesus!
Ricky D
9 years ago
In your comment,you mentioned…”you can’t drink anymore” this Is a big misconception….. You Can Drink……I’m Choosing NOT TO….its not a Have To its a Get To….
Ruth
9 years ago
Agree with all the rules except the ninth one. God has rules for that too.
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