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Sober Nation

Putting Recovery On The Map

02-26-20 | By

5 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before You Leave Your Drug Addicted Spouse, Boyfriend, or Girlfriend

There are relationships worth fighting for (even those filled with the insanity from your drug-addicted spouse or significant other). While other times, it’s time to go! But how do you know?

There are some pretty basic signs that not just indicate it’s time to leave, but in any relationship, you should never stay to “work out.” Being in love with a person who has a drug addiction makes this a thousand times worse, and your decision to stay or leave a harder one. Ask yourself these five questions before you leave your drug-addicted spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend.

  • Do they refuse help?
  • Are they verbally/emotionally abuse to you (or children)?
  • Are they physically abusive to you (or children)?
  • Have they gotten high in front of you (or children)?
  • Have they stolen from you (or children)?

Some people leave for a lot less, while some people stay for a lot more. Knowing when to leave is going to depend on the exact actions and your tolerance towards the behavior.

There are many reasons you may consider leaving your addicted loved one, but to clear up any confusion, when the above signs or any other issues escalates to the point safety is a concern, then it’s time to consider leaving.

Don’t stay in your relationship just because children are involved.

Leaving can become even more complicated because often, people don’t want their children to be without a mom or dad.

Children absorb way more than you realize. If they hear the verbal abuse, that child will take the brunt, and it can emotionally scar that child. It’s not always more important to have both parents. It’s more important to allow your child the opportunity to have a clean slate at life.

Don’t stay in your relationship just because you fear your addicted loved one will get worse.

Non-addicted partners may feel responsible for their addicted counterparts. Often, when you’re wrapped up in turmoil, it can be hard to see anything directly in front of you. To get perspective, you can leave temporarily to gain clarity so that you’re able to look at your situation objectively and consider the facts if this is healthy enough to be worth your time investing in support (not enabling).

Sometimes a step back is a step forward.

Deciding to stay or leave a relationship with someone with an addiction can be extremely difficult and this nor any other article out there is going to have a black and white answer for you. Only you know when you’ve reached your breaking point.

Whatever you decide, always permit yourself to take care of yourself. Make sure you have the right mental health services and support for both of you if you choose the long haul and stay.

Keep in mind you cannot try to force the person with the addiction to get help. Even if the person agrees, they may fail in their attempt to overcome the addiction. Addiction is not a choice that an individual can control. So blaming them isn’t right either.

Loved ones hold a great deal of influence in the life of a person struggling with drugs.

Even just sitting the person down and talking about concerns in a calm, clear, and pleasant voice can have an influence. Consistency in repeatedly offering and showing support can too, but as long as you’re not engaging in codependency or enabling behaviors.

If you choose to stay and help?

Remember a few things. The addiction isn’t a choice or a moral failing. Make sure to set boundaries and stick to them. You can’t “fight” addiction off. This is a condition that your loved one is going to have to learn to “manage.” Be supportive, but don’t cover up problems. Continue ongoing encouragement. But always think of your health too.

You’re essential to this world. So is your addicted loved one. But you have the power to stay steadfast. If you stay, find therapists who specialize in addiction. It would be best if you had support too.

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