Early Sobriety: Common Difficulties and More Useful Responses

Original contributor's perspective, with selected editorial additions below.

New sobriety is hard. Real hard.

There is no reason to sugar coat it. If it were easy, everyone who needed to be sober would be. Not only would they get sober, but they would stay sober.

I am by no means a recovery guru. I am a young man and I have been sober for a few years. Certainly enough time to have built up some experience in recovery.

I have seen many people relapse and I'm sad to say I have seen the same mistakes made over and over again. It sucks. A lot of these people I never saw again.

1. Not Having A Sponsor

Some people love A.A. Some people don't. None the less, a sponsor or even a mentor has huge value.

RELATED: 4 Qualities To Look For In A Sponsor

Whenever I am in my head, it is so important for me to have someone to run my thoughts by. After talking to my sponsor, I quickly gain perspective and I realize that many of the fears in my head weren't even real in the first place.

2. Getting In A Relationship

Look... this is not a black and white statement. A relationship in early sobriety does not guarantee you will relapse.

Just give it some time. Get sober. Get your head and your heart together. When you have emotional stability, you will make a better boyfriend or girlfriend anyway.

3. Making Money Your Higher Power

It is important to be clear on this subject.

I am not a believer that money is evil. I believe that money can bring options and can bring freedom. Part of getting sober is having the freedom to earn money and to earn the chance to buy yourself whatever you want. Sobriety has taught me great lessons in money management. This is all positive growth.

The problem arises when people mistake money for happiness.

When addicts stop doing drugs, they are still craving some sort of instant gratification. Nothing fills that void quite like a fresh paycheck.

People don't realize, money comes and goes. Money does not control you. You control your money. Once money becomes your means for gratification, you are in trouble.

Make money. Make as much as you want or as little as you want. I am saying that your sobriety should be your first priority. If you keep it that way, money will be easier to manage and it won't consume you like it does so many other people.

4. Not Getting A Support Network

I was so guilty of this.

I will only speak for myself, but I am sure there are those who can relate.

I like to isolate. I enjoy being alone. I spend most of my free time by myself or with my dog. I can't help it, I've always liked dogs more than people.

The trouble is that we are social beings. We are spiritual beings. Somewhere in the makeup of my DNA there is a calling to share my time and my soul with other people. I am compelled to give love and be loved. Isn't that what we all want?

Isolation is a huge mistake in early sobriety. It doesn't need to be. I have learned that people really aren't as scary as I made them out to be. Some of them are just as anxious as I am and are actually grateful that someone like me went up to them and said hello.

Share the love peepz!

5. Taking On Too Much At Once

Raise your fists in the air! You have 30 days sober! You can do ANYTHING!!!

HEAR ME ROAARRRRR!!!!

Slow down cowboy.

When my grandfather died, he died with 30 years of sobriety. He and I would speak from time to time about my recovery and he would simply listen to me and give me good advice. One day he said something to me that I will never forget.

He told me that..

"slow is beautiful."

At the time, I didn't quite understand what he meant. I knew his suggestion for me was to take my time, but I didn't understand why. I didn't understand why going slow is actually better than moving quickly. I have since learned.

What my grandfather was telling me was that it is important to enjoy the journey. As I have gotten older I have learned that the destination means little. It is the journey that counts.

Reaching a destination or achieving a goal is great. However, it is not until after the moment has passed that you realize the destination wasn't the fun part. The fun part was the experience and the lessons in getting you there.

Don't fall into the trap. Try to avoid convincing yourself that you are not good enough or that you aren't moving fast enough. Slow is beautiful.

Take your time. When I had a year clean I thought I was the champion of recovery. Now, with almost 6 years clean I feel like I know less than ever.

Enjoy the moment. Take your time. Relax. Don't be hard on yourself. Enjoy the journey because one day you will wake up and ask yourself where the time went.

We all make mistakes.

I'll tell you a secret. I made every one of these mistakes in early sobriety. Every single one. The only reason I know they are mistakes is because I made them myself and looking back I see how I created myself more pain.

Additional help from Sober Nation

Stopping without medical input

Stopping some substances abruptly can carry physical risk, and the risk depends on the substance, how much and how long you used, and your health. Alcohol and benzodiazepines are two well-documented examples. Stopping heavy, prolonged drinking suddenly can cause withdrawal that includes seizures and can be life-threatening; the NIAAA advises seeking medical help to plan a safe stop (NIAAA). The FDA warns against stopping benzodiazepines such as Xanax abruptly, even when prescribed, and directs any reduction to be planned with a prescriber (FDA). Other substances and situations can also carry physical danger, so the safest general rule is the same. Talk to a doctor before your quit date about what you use and what to expect. See do you need detox? If someone has a seizure, severe confusion, or trouble breathing, call 911.

Treating a slip as the end

The NIAAA describes setbacks as common and states that it is rare for someone to go to treatment once and never drink again (NIAAA). The dangerous move is deciding a slip proves you cannot do this and continuing. Stop, get safe, tell someone, and figure out what happened before the slip. What is relapse? and what to do after a relapse go deeper. If a slip involves opioids, treat any signs of overdose, such as unresponsiveness or slow or stopped breathing, as an emergency and call 911.

Skipping structured support

Behavioral treatment, medications for alcohol or opioid use disorder where appropriate, and mutual-support groups are all recognized options (SAMHSA). Medications for alcohol and opioid use disorder are evidence-based treatments. How people and communities use words like "sober" varies, and that is a personal question, not a medical one; it is not a reason to avoid treatment that a clinician recommends. Pick at least one form of ongoing support and write it into a relapse prevention plan.