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      Sober Nation

      Putting Recovery On The Map

      10-29-11 | By

      My First Year of Sobriety: Infancy

      I couldn’t stay where I was, I was going to die…

      I needed a way out and luckily I had made some friends in my treatment center that were willing to help. I made the calls I needed to make. Within a couple of weeks I was in a halfway house that they had paid for me to get into and I had a job they hooked me up with. I was lost, I had no idea on what to do but I was again grateful and now it was time to start putting this new found willingness into play.

      I was told to get a sponsor, and I did. It was like asking another guy out on a date, it was nerve racking. I was not used to asking someone for help, telling them that I was help-less but I was starting to realize that my way was not working and I had to find someone who’s way was. If you’re in recovery or ever have been you know the story from here. My sponsor told me to call him, show him I was willing and told me to read. I did what I was told, begrudgingly I might add. And when we met and I told him things I never thought I would tell another man. He suggested that I start going to AA meetings instead of NA. Being a dope fiend, this was not what I wanted to hear. Alcohol was a problem, but not the problem I thought. Looking back I see that I was right but not in the sense I was quite ready to understand yet. Again, I did what I was told.

      I went to the meetings everyone else was going to, my halfway house required me to go to 100 meetings in 100 days and we had the same routine every week. Some meetings were at 7am on a Saturday, some were at 7pm on a Friday and some were at 5pm on a Tuesday. It was a rigorous routine but one I was determined to stick to. I didn’t know anyone at the meetings but my housemates and I didn’t make an attempt to know anyone outside of my circle, I wasn’t interested in anyone else. I held on tightly to my willingness and my gratitude and used them to steer me away from the thoughts of taking off and using. It was a struggle for a while.

      I was in my second month of sobriety and I wasn’t excited about getting sober at all, I was just grateful to not be where I was anymore and it turns out that’s all I needed at the time was that gratitude. My excitement would come, just not on my time and this was another concept I wasn’t yet ready to grasp. I thought I wasn’t going to ever get it like the others seemed to be. I wanted to leave this house and this short lived, new found life, it wasn’t working…

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