Someone once told me life in recovery is like a plane crash; you’re always strewing through the debris.
My thoughts are scattered about like debris on an open field from a plane crash, and I am stuck alone searching for the black box. How did I get here? How did this happen so quickly? Or did I just never notice my never-ending descent into this dark abyss? Life as I know it seems to be a distant memory, yet I know amidst all the debris there is the amazing confident man I once was. It is up to me to clear through the rubble and unearth him. It will not be an easy task, but what in life worth fighting for is? Life isn’t all sunshine & rainbows, we all must recognize that. How we handle adversity is what shows our true strength of character.
Are You Willing to Do What it Takes?
Do you have it in you to fight through the mass of debris to find your black box? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to find the person you know you can be?
We are all worth searching for. The search is not for a person we want to be able to simply fit-in, yet still be uncomfortable in our own skin. Never should you desire to fit-in because all that means is you are changing who you are for the betterment of someone else. And as Steve Jobs said,
“Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions down out your own inner voice.”
Instead of focusing on appeasing everyone around us, we must become comfortable with who we are, not some false persona we made-up for our supposed friends. Where were they when your plane went crashing down in front of their very eyes? Were they helping you search through the wreckage littered about that you called life? If not, they clearly weren’t friends after-all, instead they were just some people who forced you to turn into someone you weren’t just so you would fit-in with their needs and wants. That doesn’t sound like fun-living to me nor the type of people I would want to spend my time with.
Trapped in Dogma
If we must change who we are for someone else then we are trapped in dogma, and there is no escaping until we put ourselves first. With the focus on yourself when entering recovery, you allow the undivided attention that we must have when we begin the process, especially in those tough first few months when we seem to be surrounded by distractions. You need to be your #1 priority if you want to began to heal and rediscover your life without alcohol and drugs. That is NOT selfish in any way, shape, or form. They are the ones being selfish by callously forcing you to adapt to their ways or they will turn their back on you. A true friend will support you in building up the man or woman you yearn for to be by scouring field after field right by your side because they see and know you are capable of so much more. They’ll be the first ones to have their flashlights out.
The only person who should ever force you to change is YOU. If there is something that YOU do not like about yourself, then you are accountable and responsible for doing something about it. No one else. You cannot blame anyone but yourself if you are choosing to be someone you are not to fit-in; that is on you. You chose to be around those people, remember that. I will tell you first hand it is terrifyingly vulnerable and humbling to put it all on ourselves to change a person we have been for so long, even if we knew that person was not who we were meant to be. No one means to become an addict and or alcoholic. But life happens; you live, and you learn.
Piecing the Debris
It is during this learning process where we find out our true flaws and defects, which EVERYONE has, not just those who have fallen off the radar and into that cynical cycle of addiction. Accepting these flaws and character defects is the first step to changing into the person we strive to be, into becoming the best possible version of ourselves that exists. By accepting who we are we have found the missing black box. Once found, we now can begin what may seem like an unenviable task of piecing the debris back together to form a more indestructible version of ourselves than ever before. I have already taken this challenge head-on. It is up to you to join me.
I am here to tell you there is a way; you must be willing, open-minded, and driven to find the best YOU that exists. Put your ego aside because this flight isn’t going to be on auto-pilot. There is strenuous work to be done, every day for the rest of your life. It is going to be painful, there is no sugar-coating it. But once you get moving, time will seamlessly stop, the pain will ease, and you will find yourself lost in a passion you never knew existed within. That passion is your undeniable love for YOURSELF. Because let’s be honest? If you don’t love yourself who will?
You are now free to move about the cabin.