My dearest child… You are in jail…again.
You just turned 18 in April, 2011, so this time you probably won’t skate on the charges the way you have in the past. Nor should you. I have watched you throw away what could have been a wonderful life. You are so loved and needed. It’s agonizing to watch this. I have lost job after job after job because of your addiction. I lost my home. You have stolen me blind to the point that I no longer own anything of value.
I have learned not to replace it as you will just come back around and steal it all over again. You started when you were 7….7 for God’s sake….and hid it well. Hid it so well that by the time I realized that you weren’t ADHD or learning challenged or any of the other things the experts told me, you were 15 and it was far too late to stop that freight train. I have picked you up from the police, been called to the emergency room more times than I can count…paid for 4 surgeries because you insisted on skateboarding high and/or drunk and broke your body to pieces.
I have lost all of my friends and most of my family…they are no longer willing to deal with me while I deal with you. Every time I visit you in jail or take that collect call from you, a part of me dies.
I can’t keep doing this. I never in my life ever thought I could walk away from you and I still don’t know how I will do it, only that I must. I don’t want to but I can no longer deal with the agony that goes with a child who loves his drugs more than he loves me, more than he loves life….you OD’ed 6 times last year….6 times the doctors managed to save your life, 6 times you put me through hell waiting on them to tell me if you would live or if you would die. Every time the phone rings, my heart just stops. I know that you are safe in jail right now, but the last 11 years have taught me that when the phone rings it’s one more hideous thing to deal with, so my body still reacts as though you were still on the outside.
I don’t how I will live without you, but I can no longer live with you and your choices. If you ever decide to get straight, I will be here. If you ever need help and support to get and stay straight, I will be here. But for now, I won’t let you drag me down into your stuff….not ever again. I love you, darlin boy….so very, very much.
I pray that you will come home again to me, but if you choose not to….know that I love you forever.
This letter could’ve been written by my Mom. It can get better
As the mother of a daughter who just could not “be happy”, I used to say sweetheart, I cannot watch you killing yourself, but that’s exactly what happened 25th March 2015, while I was holding her hand…..part of me went with her, I just know a part of me died with her, I try hard one day at a time to be here for the daughters she has left behind,.
A Letter From A Mother,
To my children when I had you I considered it a huge blessing and a daunting task. I was a teenager and now I was responsible for this beautiful child. I had so many plans your father and I were going to get married and have the white picket fence and give you everything. Well I learned very quickly life wasn’t going to be that dream. Because I had not been around alcohol I did not realize that your father was an alcoholic and an addict. My life became hell. I was left for days without money and had to drink water to keep producing milk to feed you. I was so proud I would not ask for any help. Life went on and I had my second child again things were wonderful, months later I was a single mom, thank goodness with a good job. I gave you everything I possibly could give you but I didn’t give you what you needed discipline. I just wanted you to love me so much that I didn’t notice the disrespect you started showing me. I met a wonderful man and we fell in love and got married. He raised you like his own. We worked hard to make sure you had everything you wanted again not making sure it was what you needed. You got into drinking and drugs I couldn’t understand what I had did wrong! I loved you so much why didn’t you love me. You fell in with friends that thought it was cool to disrespect me and the man that raised you. You used us in different ways whether for money or our time. All the time pretending to love me so I would continue to keep giving you what you wanted. The drug use continued the disrespect got worse, still you were my children I loved you so much and felt your behavior would change. The years have gone by the behavior has not changed I get a call every once in awhile more often if you need something. I wish I had did things differently I wish I had not wanted you to be my friend. I wish I had disciplined you when you needed it. So now i sit at night and look over pictures of you of all the hopes and dreams I had when you were children. I am hit with the harsh reality of the disconnect I feel from you. I dread the phone calls or the texts when your on your next bender and I dread the lack of them when your with your friends. You do not even give a thought to the person who gave up her dreams and hopes when she chose to have you. Not once still regretting those decisions but wishing I had done better. I’m not sorry for loving you but I’m sorry for the lack of discipline and making you the selfish and entitled adults that you have become. I long for the relationship I had with my mother when I became an adult an we became friends. I know now I will never have that with you. I feel sorry for you that you don’t know that I can be silly and funny and how much I cry over sad movies. That I can’t call you without being uncomfortable, or feel like I’m bothering you. Well that’s all I have to say, I yearn to be that young girl just starting her young life again, maybe I could have done things differently and you might love and respect me. Sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable or sad. Your mother
Life is a big puzzle. Only the wise and the hopefull seem to understand it. Accept whatever good or disappointments that comes accross you, then keep moving.
This same story unfolds in so many different ways for all of us, Extremely moving and well-written. I just called my Mom and read it to her.
it is so hard knowing what to do with a child. should you let them back home because they have no place else to go? should you lock them out because they broke the rules…again? how do you get the strength to go on when all you can think about is your drug addicted child? I wish I was stronger.
Me too………me too.
Spectacular letter! As a mom, I can say this letter could have been written by any one of us.
Thank you.
I can’t stop drinking and I can’t stop putting my mom through all of the same things that your son has put you through. Your letter has really put things into perspective for me. Thank you
Also, this site gives me hope. I still feel like I’m never gonna be able to quit, but maybe there is a way out???? I just don’t know :/
Trust me it gets easier over time!!
Why do u say that.?
Oh the heartbreak is tangible in her words! My brother is this kind of addict – thankfully he is currently sober. His is a fickle sobriety though…always one pay check away from more heartache.
What a wonderfully powerful, emotional letter. Your words touch my heart and soul as you relay your deep love, dedication, and support to a son who has entered a terrible world of addiction.
Good for you for not continuing the codependency and enabling that continues the addictive cycle. I am happy to know you are taking care of yourself, seeking individuation. This process allows your son to do the same.
Your love is empowering, your patience is gracious, and your independence is life changing.
My heart broke reading these words because I have been on both ends of this story. I was the destructive addicted young girl who tore everything and everyone up in my path. In and out of recovery and grasping for life. I have overdosed more times than I can count or can remember and was at last sent to prison. Which saved my life. I am currently finishing my 2nd degree to help counsel lost souls and give them hope. I am also seeing the destruction in my own son now and it kills me. What I put my mother through? ! ? Tough love is easy to say and the hardest thing in life to do. I have had to though. It is no where near over yet either. Boundaries are the key to changing the cycle of the disease. Stay strong !! You are not alone.
Wonderful letter. You have an amazing strength about you I deeply admire. This gives me hope to be the mom my son needs desperately, but I have yet to become. Thank you for posting this letter.
wooow this is soo moving!!! this also sounds like a letter from my mom…i just wish she could see me sober today..by the grace of God i have,18 months on the 19th of this month…my heart goes out to the addicts in active addiction,it took me to get in trouble to see i had a problem.
co dependency is as hard as active addiction. When we realize we are ENABLERS a huge wall crashes down. A pivotal point in our lives has arrived. Remember to hate the sin, not the person. It is a very difficult realization that the person we love, has become someone we can not possibly live with….This was so moving, and reminds me of a similar letter I wrote to my ex husband years ago. Walking away was one of the hardest things I have ever done, broken hearted and scared, I found the love and support I needed and will forever be so happy and grateful for that LOVE I have been blessed with. Thank You my Anonymous Family. I pray for continued strength and determination for Spiritlady 7, as I hope U do too.
As I get ready to go to court…My youngest was arrested yesterday because I called the police on him, once again because of his behavior related to drugs and alcohol. Dealing with the self sabotage, both his and mine. His because he starts and stops, mine because I will not let go of him because I do not want him to die ( some do), the powerlessness and the ‘maybe this time..Your story resonates strongly with me.You wrote my feelings and shared my thoughts. Thank you and my thoughts are with you.
I know your pain. I’m going through the same thing with my son all because of heroin addiction. It has destroyed my life as well as his. He has gone to rehab…numerous times and keeps going back on the drugs. I don’t know what to do any more. He’s still young and the hope I have is that with age he will grow out of this. But for now, life is a living hell and I don’t know what to do as he has had all the help I can give him and more. There has to be something more that can help turn these kids around.
I would love to talk to the mother that wrote this my tears are still flowing down my eyes…..
The tremble in my voice as I read this oh so sad letter out loud. I was addicted to crack cocaine for many years and decided than to get clean after so many overdoses and tears of loved ones I know what you must be going through and I could definitely help you through email me anytime at showgirl7373@gmail.com whenever you need to just talk…..things will get better for you I hope I will pray for your son……… and most of all I will pray for you.
I would love to talk to the mother that wrote this my tears are still flowing down my eyes…..
The tremble in my voice as I read this oh so sad letter out loud. I was addicted to crack cocaine for many years and decided than to get clean after so many overdoses and tears of loved ones I know what you must be going through and I could definitely help you through email me anytime at showgirl7373@gmail.com whenever you need to just talk…..things will get better for you I hope I will pray for your son……… and most of all I will pray for you.
This kills me because I feel it. It is agony and pure hell. 1 rehab, two behavioral hospitals, skated by on 21 counts of theft because of being a minor, polysubstance abuse, body mutilation, raped twice by old men while in rehab because she ran away from rehab.. Theft of my property, house arrest, numerous psychiatric medications, two weeks to a month of sobriety at best. All before the age of 17. Now 17 she recieved expulsion from school (second time), first time I appealed and opted for home schooling to later re enroll back in school, followed by second expulsion for posession schedule 2 narcotics in a drug free zone. Currently in jail.
Thank u for posting. I have been living this nightmare for 23 yrs with my son I am finally going to detach something I should have done years ago God bless us all and give us the strength to go on
This was my daughter and still is. Except with one twist: she’s paralyzed from the waist down due to an infection on the spine that was caused by heroin addiction. An addiction so strong that even after being relegated to a wheelchair for the rest of her life, she still slammed dope. Still does sometimes. I wish someone would tell me what to do. Why must I care (literally care for her physically) for her after losing all of my life?
Don’t give up girl I now how u feel have a son that does heron but not as long as yours
I am not giving up on my son I love him too much to do so. Don’t get me wrong I thought about
it but that’s where loves comes in.
I’m on the opposite side of the spectrum. My son is 27 yrs. old and chooses not to have me in his life because of the hell I put him through during part of his childhood and adult life. Even though I am clean now, him and his wife have cut me off. They had a baby 3 months ago, and I am not permitted to see my new granddaughter or my 12 yr. old granddaughter because they don’t trust me. My heart is broken. Many times, when I’m feeling sorry for myself, I think about picking up. I’ve come too far to go back now. The kids know I’m clean, and if I continue on this path I may get to see them all someday. I know for sure if I pick up I won’t have any chance at all. When I start feeling sad or lonely or mad I talk through it with another sober person, or hit a meeting. Mostly I pray.Tough love is hard no matter what end your’e on. Deep down I know my kids are doing this because they love me, not to hurt me. But damn, it still hurts…
this letter could of been written by me… and the last comment from Linda reflects my hope that one day my son will rid of his heroin addiction but for now he is no longer in my life and that’s the only way I can survive…..
@ Linda – I am not sure there is anything miraculous you can do for your son. The fact for me was that until I was left alone, out in the cold with no one to even enable me anyone was a big turning point – scary part is that this is the place where people get help or maybe get worse and possible die. This addiction stuff is a disease once its in your body there is no stopping most of the time. GOD works in mysterious ways, we don’t all get to live but I am almost positive that we have all had a spiritual experience with a jolt in the destruction road of addiction that led us to either want to live more than die, or want to die even more (and alot of times do). But there is hope , so many have recovered and continue to recover. Sometimes the best love shown to someone is letting go and loving from the outside while the person hopefully hits a bottom that rocks there world.
God Bless you!! I am going through these things now again!! I love my son with all my heart but I can’t do this any longer. He is in jail right now but I know he’s not using and is warm with a roof over his head. Every other time I’ve bailed him out but not this time. I love him too much to let him back on the streets to die with a syrInge of meth in his arm. I am trying to be strong but it is hard. I just pray for God to guide me. Thanks for your story and prayers are with you!
I am 43 years old, & a recovering alcoholic & addict. This disease is the devil. The only thing that helped me was “hitting rock bottom”, losing everything, & the day I decided to get help, I called places & told them that I either needed to get help that day, or just die. I lost my family,& any self respect that I had. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to have gained back so much! Yet, had anyone stood beside me, I fear I would never have found recovery. There is hope. The odds are stacked against us. But through my Higher Power, I have a Faith that is stronger than those odds, just for today, &I pray for the blessing that may be tomorrow, clean & sober. The pain I caused my loved ones is unreal. It went on for decades.Just pray, & take good care of yourself, if your son ever crawls out, he will be happy that you did. You are both in my constant prayers, along with all of those who suffer. May you be blessed!
Im so sorry for you. I have walked in your shoes, For approx. 10 years. I am hoping we are now mending. I will pray for your family.
So heart breaking…i know someone like this…stole from his parents and others all his life(stilldoes)..stole from his Mom’s bank account as she was dying of cancer…and only then did she disown him…he was in his 30s by this point….I did not understand addiction at the time as I do now…my question regarding the above letter….does anyone know what has happened to this young man and this mother since it was written????
I also know this pain. Both sides in fact. I was that child that used everything and everyone around me to feed my addiction. Now I am very active in my recovery. Today finds me dealing with my own children and their addictions. While the woes of their wreckage can be heavy I am able to call upon a set of skills earned by my own experience in amending my own. Being a parent of a child in so much need of help from active addiction leaves me hurting and scared of what’s to come. Knowing what I’ve survived has little comfort for me now. I too pause every time when the phone rings, no matter what time of the day or night. Visiting loved ones in the CCU of the local hospital after a bad choice or decision on their part is not how I wish to spend the last moments with them, but it has been unfortunately. It’s that part of my story that allows me to jump at any opportunity to be there to offer a hand up, but not to enable the ones I love so much to kill themselves. Today I stay clean by working a program of recovery and I don’t use no matter what. I am a walking miracle and the people who know me know that. Narcotics Anonymous promised me freedom from active addiction and they’ve delivered.
Let go and let God. Self-care. Pray. Bless you for being teachable. And please continue to use your voice to share with others. One of the greatest weapons addiction has is isolation…
I feel your pain and pray that you both get through this hell. So sad for our children to become addicts and its heart breaking when we have to turn our backs. I went through this with my daughter for 4 years and I can say now she has been clean for 2 1/2 years.
This letter really touched me I have a daughter out their that has an addictin to meth sometimes I hear from her but fb most of the time I worry as to where she is at wondering if the drug finally won or if someone took her life. Its hard to walk away when its your kids. I have walked away many times but always am right there when she needs me the , most
my son is in prison for 10 yrs and im going to be raising his two kidos my daughter is on house arrest for 2 1/2 yrs so ive had my share of the drug abuse the thing is when you empty your self out of the drugs as you get clean if you dont fill it with GOD then when you go back into the world and life smacks you in the face and it will when you need comfort you will run back to the drugs if you dont know of another {GOD} he will comfort you in your time of need im a 20 year DELIVERED alcoholic the difference between the two is when your delivered you dont even have the desire for the drug because now you know how much GOD loves you and with him you can do all things
This letter touched so many people, I have been there, not that bad, but it was bad, I lost my daughter in April, she had been on drugs, for 15 years, meth, prescription drugs you name she took it, she overdosed many times, she cut her wrist, held her lighter to her arm and burned it, it took it 3 months to heal, she struggled, I struggled, addiction is so strong, and she would turn to God then Satan would pull her away, back to the darkness that she lived in, the phone calls I totally understand the morning I got that final call it was 3:30 a.m. telling me that my daughter had died, at home, she was laying in her bathroom floor, took too many pills for the last time. She is at peace now. I don’t know if I ever will be. It haunts me daily. My husband was an alcoholic, and that was hard, he died 6years ago, addiction is addiction, but I really think the drugs are the worst.
No matter what DRUG of choice one has, it robs them of a rich and full filled Life. A Life of Peace, Joy, Belonging and Value.
Yet when you make a DEEP COMMENT to give up that DRUG, you can Be stronger, and gain all that back.
No matter what DRUG of choice one has, it robs them of a rich and full filled Life. A Life of Peace, Joy, Belonging and Value.
Yet when you make a DEEP COMMENT to give up that DRUG, you can Be stronger, and gain all that back.
I have been dealing with my son’s addiction for at LEAST 5 years!! It’s amazing how long we can hide our head in the sand, hoping if we ignore it or don’t accept it as truth that maybe it’ll go away…it never happens. I’ve been in denial much longer than I’ve accepted his disease. But once you get to that point that you run out of excuses and accept that there IS a problem, it’s the beginning of your own healing. Al-Anon was my savior!! Sitting and hearing MY story coming out of THEIR mouths was my eye opener!! We all shared the same story looking for the same outcome. I’ve loved my son with my entire being…chose him over myself, over my family and friends. My story has a happy ending…finally!! He’s been sober/drug free for over a year. He had the BEST rehab program, then moved into an awesome recovery house run by two absolutely phenomenal people that were truly involved in the program…not out for the money. My ending isn’t without a “glitch”…my daughter went down the same path as her brother…hopefully she has the same ending. Yes, heroin is a very devious drug…it sucks the life out of all that crosses its path!!!
Wow just wow i heard myself talking to my daughter
I know this pain not as a mother but as a sister and a recovering addict. I know what addiction can do to a family I almost lost my daughter and on October 24th I lost my baby sister in a head on collision she was high and driving. I pray that anyone who suffers finds the help they need and the inner peace not only they deserve but their family deserves as well. Please take action soon before it’s to late. Much love and many prayers to all of you.
Try Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A) & Narcotics Anonymous (N.A) meetings in Ur city..!!
To a terrible child,
You can get sober, turn to God, and have the willingness on your part to want a new and different life, then hopefully you can go to rehab, there you will learn the tools to assit you in staying sober! Don’t forget about all the people in AA and NA that are there to help you!! Gods blessings to you, may you choose to get clean!
To a terrible child,
You can get sober, turn to God, and have the willingness on your part to want a new and different life, then hopefully you can go to rehab, there you will learn the tools to assit you in staying sober! Don’t forget about all the people in AA and NA that are there to help you!! Gods blessings to you, may you choose to get clean!
I feel your pain and anguish. I have been there with 3 of my sons. They were all bright young popular kids and I don’t know what went wrong but it did. My youngest was the worst though he would all me up and cuss at me calling me all kinds of names if I didn’t give him money or pick him up and give him a ride some where. I felt like the lowest person on earth. He would steal for everyone of my friends and our families. It was miserable. He even had his drug dealer convinced I was going to pay him so one day I get a knock on the door and there stands this brute telling me that I owe him hundreds of dollars for my sons drugs or he was going to beat him to a pulp. (Mind you I had rented this kid several places to live paid for groceries the whole nine yards and he never appreciated a thing, it was expected because I was his mom. I bailed him out of jail time and time again paid off his fines etc. then one day I finally said enough there would be no more because I was broke. Its amazing what they can do when you quit enabling them. He moved away and found a job has his own place and very rarely asked me for anything. It is very hard to let go but when you do its a relief and they can and will figure a way to support themselves. Mine had to live in a homeless shelter before he realized that’s not where he wanted to be. We get along now but it took several years. I wish you all the luck in the world. Just stay determined.
WOW is all I can say. I am a recovering meth addict myself, clean 28 months only by the grace of God. I now have my 18 year old son in jail and y 26 year old boy on the street getting high on meth and on the run. So I know how you feel way to much. But the sad thing is I know both sides. I realize now that I had to give it all to God. He takes away my guilt of being a not so good mother during my addiction which happened to be the most important years of their lives. And now I can only lead by example and pray without ceasing that God will change their lives. I can only pray that it happens before it is to late….I learned in rehab that I have to set boundaries. And boy is that a hard one. When all I want to do is hold them in my arms and tell them it is going to be okay. But I wont ever give up on them because I know God is working on them. God Bless to everyone who is dealing with situations like this or similar. Let God be your strength and never stop believing and having faith!
My brother is 58 and in End Stage Liver Disease. He has been a slave to drugs since he first put a needle in his arm at 15. My mother and father both had to tell their son goodbye. Their hearts were broken. Just yesterday my father explained to his caretaker how he tried everything to help Sam, but inevitably had to let him go. My other brother used to pick him up and take him to church, but that had to end when he started getting high before Jim came to pick him up. I tried taking him to a 12 step program I am a member of and introducing him to men that got clean, but he was just interested in the women. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink.
I went through this with my son for 10 years – the prescription drugs and alcohol and missing money and police and probation and daily blowing and court fines and midnight phone calls and rescues and county jail and all of those trips to the ER and pysch hospitals. I truly did not what else to do. I thought I could love him into being well; my husband thought he could bully him into being well. Neither of us were successful. My son died last year from Oxycondone and alcohol toxicity.
I feel your pain. The last year and a half has been a living nightmare! I feel like I have been standing on the roof screaming for help and no one can hear me. Just when I think the hell is coming to an end it starts all over. Heroin or what I call liquid Satan, has destroyed my family, my marriage and most of all my daughter. I have felt like ending it all or running away but somehow have managed to keep going with the grace of God. She is in an outpatient program that I think is working somewhat. I pray she gets better before it’s too late.
Please pray for my family my son twin sister and myself. I lost my son 11/25/2013. He died of a over dose. My heart is broken.
Wake up people, they are junkies because they want to be. The first time you caught them stealing from you ,you should have had them arrested. Of course when they go to prison they are actually going to the state run College of crime , where they learn from the pros . junkies are like dogs that dont hunt , and should be treated as such. I hope that they all overdose and pass on, there are enough free loaders in the world already. I have no remorse for these fools.
Charles, you are a stooge. Your hatred and lack of understanding of the disease of addiction is baffling. Many addicts start as teenagers, which is a time in a person’s life notorious for risky or poor choices. Please recognize that every single person is doing the best they can at that moment in time, and if you have nothing positive to offer to this topic, you should just go away.
I’m so sad to read this. I don’t know what the answer is but I say answer the phone. Talking to your son does not mean you are condoning addiction. But it does mean that you know he’s alive; you can tell him you love him. My son is not here any more and I would do anything to talk to him…. For those of you with cruel comments that think you know anything about people with behavioral health problems I wish you would shut the f*** up. People recover, they contribute, they don’t ask to be addicted, and NO ONE deserves to die in addiction without hope.
I AM SOBBING…UNCONTROLLABLY RIGHT NOW..I WISH I HAD THE STRENGTH OF THIS MOM..I DIDN’T..MAYB IT WAS EASIER FOR HER TO B STRONG CUZ HE WAS IN JAIL…N SHE DIDN’T HAVE TO LOOK HIM IN THE EYES EVERYDAY N HOLD HIM WHILE HE CRIED..I DON’T KNOW..HE WAS AWAY IN JAIL..SAFE….I DID WHAT I COULD DO…WHAT ..AS MUCH AS I WAS CAPABLE OF DOING…BUT IN THE END…IT WASN;T ENOUGH….I LOST MORE THAN THE MATERIAL THINGS IN LIFE…. I LOST MY WORLD….I LOST MY SON…HE DIED…MY SON SNORTED COKE.
Thank you so much for sharing. Never give up hope and just have faith that God will save him. His will, will be done.
What a wonderfully written letter, thank you for sharing. That being said had I received a letter like this while I was using I may have sought help sooner than I did, but maybe not. Dealing with the consequences on my own gave me the impetus to get clean and to be in recovery. I can at this point in my life look back and be grateful for how I was able to get into recovery. You still love your son and the support is there when he commits to change, to recovery. There is nothing easy about addiction, whether you are one of the inflicted or love someone who is. You are in my prayers, as well as your son.
I could have written that letter! My daughter just came home from rehab and I told her when she went that if she messed up when she gets out, not to ever come home again unless she is ready for good. I have had sleepless night, jumped at every phone call and cried myself to sleep many nights. I have been on facebook begging her friend to just let me know she was ok. Al anon is teaching me to give it to God! her is in control and whatever happens he will give me strength to endure………
Been clean since 1993,took going to federal prison for 7 years to get me clean ,I was a meth addict for10 years and put my mother threw living hell with my life of meth use and addiction….own my own business of 14 years married and have 4 sons with my loving wife..my mother has passed way she died knowing that I was clean and free from my past life of addiction,life clean and sober is living life,living life as an addict was just existing at all…I can relate to this mothers story as if it was mine.
Im an addict in and out of recovery..I never did the things to my parents that this mother went through,but I stayed away from my family because I never fit in anyway and always fucked up something or other I was constantly reminded.when I was using thats when my parents used to tell me how good I was doing and how proud they were of me lol..what a fucking joke that they really did NOT know me and know I was dying inside..but when I would sober up–THATS whem they thought I was on drugs lol..didnt want me around amd pretty much told me that.i lost my twin boys from meth,my family,job,home. ..MY LIFE..I had everything but in reality had nothing. I was sober for 16 months-longest I went ever-in that time I lost my boys at 1 year in recovery due to my mom being a social worker fir the county and she had battled uterine cancer for 3 years-i got completely screwed as it was her friends and coworkers who did case and they knew her wishes to have them adopted. .I also miscarried 2 babies during all of this-ive lost soo fucking much in the last 3 yrs I don’t even recognize myself anymore.sat months in prison,got out in may and trying to re-invent myself so I can try to keep moving forward wothout my children. This is worse than my mom dying.feels like im losing my mind from not being with my children.i thought I dealt with itand accepted it but HOW do you actually cope and move on without destroying myself . prison saved me…thought I was DONE with this shit..but nope…relapse,relapse relapse.i keep this dirty secret to mysekf.
I am an addict in recovery who has done this to both my parents. I am reaching out to the parents who continue to help their children in active addiction and by no means am I trying to be cold, this is just my experience. It did not help me it kept me using drugs. The second time I went to jail my parents, divorced, cut me off. Eventually I had no where else to go and I got help. I have a relationship with both of my parents. I can only imagine the pain they went through when they denied my help while I was strung out and today I completely understand. Enabling a daughter/son does no good.
Sweetie i hope you find the courage to do this i have tryed an it is very hard an i am getting thre. I just thabk god my son is in jail 4 now an hope my daughter goes soon terrible to wish your child to jail i use to run an get them out not no more i dont even visit trying to tough it up takes time an ya know seems like us mom are the ones hit the hardest nothing nothing bad bout men but seems like us mothers r th ones that suffer the most from this evil
So sad to know that so many moms are going through the same kind of thing. There is hope, even for those that seem the most desperate, but it is emotionally devastating for parents to have to suffer through their child’s continual substance abuse. Thank you for sharing your story!
My heart is breaking for you.
There’s a middle ground between walking away and enabling. It’s a hard road, but it’s there. My son is 30, in prison again and also started when he was a child. I’ve been visiting him behind glass and bars for 16 years. Everyone has given up on him, but as long as he’s breathing, I won’t. I’m all he has. I can’t judge anyone else, I know many people would have quit long ago, but I never will. Keep praying. We can’t help them, but God will.
This is my son, almost my story. Except he’s 17 1/2 and in rehab, yet he still insists the day he gets out he will slam whatever he can get. He started using 2 years ago, and has been kicked out of 3 schools, arrested 4 times, hit by a car while on the sidewalk (supposedly intentionally), stolen whatever he could, destruction of our home, left bruises on me, but the biggest hurt, is the pain inside that causes part of me to die a little more each day…God knows I hurt, God knows I love him, and God knows that I can’t watch him destroy himself anymore. He’ll be 18 soon, and I’ll have to take a big gulp and tell him he’s not ever welcome in my home unless he’s sober…I hope and pray he doesn’t kill himself, and that one day I’ll be able to enjoy his company again and see his smile, hear his laugh, and know that he is well….one day…
I have been where you are. My son was in numerous car accidents, rehab, jail, stoled from his grandmother, took precious things I owned to pawn shops to obtain money for drugs. Lost scholarships to college, started and quit college several times. The last time he was in jail he was not “rescued” by me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I let the phone ring, he was in withdrawal and I knew it was hell for him. He was in a jail that is known for it’s abuse of prisoners and many horrible things have happened to young men there. It was unbearable for me but I couldn’t bring him back into my home. The day of his release has been the last day he used. He has been sober for seven years. He is now married and has a good wife. I still suffer from anxiety and stress but I am glad his life is better. I wish I had been stronger earlier. I feel for you and for any parent who has to experience this pain. I know we question what we did or did not do to make them choose the drugs.
He is an Addict and his choices are few, Addiction is the nastiest disease I’ve seen! And the stealing.. Nothing personal…they are mindless when in the grip ,hate themselves for the things they do ..so they get higher to forget. So so sad ! My son has gotten clean after 15 years of addiction, he hit the wall, as they say and has come out into the sun !!!!!!! I am sooooooo proud of him. So I know it is possible… Co dependency is a big problem for us moms …….
@Donna, Stay with him, don’t turn your back on him. I did, and my son hanged himself. I will regret it for the rest of my life.
My son was just put under mental observation for the 8th time in 12 months. He tried to kill himself 3 nights ago. His addiction is so strong. I still hope yet he seems hopeless. I too have lost everything of financial value as well as relationships and a big part of myself. I sometimes think, and yes it is horrible to think this, but that if he is going to die, that God take him now. I know, I am his mother and it is a horrible thing to say. He is gone……he thinks only of drugs and when he is sober he is so sad and in so much pain. Right now he just called me from the mental hospital. Hating me and insulting me. I am the only person left in his life and I will continue to love him and support while trying not to enable. Such a fine line. I am so sad all of time. This is the worst kind of nightmare
As a recovering alcholic i see both sides. The best thing to do is let time sort it out, as an addict i have been at my lowest of low and can remember many times someone would save me but the truth is you can only save yourself, at least he is in a safe spot right now and hope its the changing point in his addiction.
I am so sorry for you. My son too… Loved him all the way, it was so complicated, every phone call, every siren. He tried many times to stay clean and sober. Oh he was so happy when he was!!! Sept. 27,2013 at 21 years old, he was the driver and was in a car accident and died. He wouldn’t have been in that situation if it weren’t for drugs and bad choices. Can’t explain the heartbreak. He is missed so much. I wish there was something I could do in his name to make a difference.
Gail you are not alone, I have seen your pain in my mother. My oldest brother was an addict his entire life. I pray your son has the strength and can get the help he needs. We waited for the phone call to come and it did, he is now at peace and it is still gut wrenching 8 years later. Stand strong even when those around you can’t and know you have done everything you can.
I am CURRENTLY one of those daughters and this is MY story…
I am 27 years old and struggling with active narcotic addiction. It all started 8 years ago when I gave birth to my son. I had a C-Section and when I left the hospital, they gave me PERCOCETS. Well when I got done taking all the Percocet, I still wanted some. (I had ALREADY been using Marijuana for over 5 years at this point, went through Cocaine addiction for a year, and went through Alcohol addiction for a year. The only thing that got me off the Cocaine and Alcohol was me finding out I was pregnant. I still smoked Marijuana while I was pregnant, but FOR ME, that was NOTHING. So my whole pregnancy I was clean but for Marijuana and when I get out of the hospital, they give me the PERCOCET!) So because I still wanted them and liked them, I started buying them on the street. For me, they gave me TONS of energy!!! I was taking them at night after work, and because they gave me so much energy, I would be up all night cleaning and stuff. So I had the “BRILLIANT” idea that I’d start taking them in the MORNING, so that way when they gave me energy, I’d have energy for the DAY instead of being up ALL NIGHT. That’s basically when it started. (which NOW if I could go back to that ONE DAY, I would have NEVER had done it that way!) Now 8 years later, I’m up to taking 15 Loritab 10s a day!! Which I’m ONLY 5′ And 120lbs!! It all started out with me just taking a half of ONE. Then eventually a full one. Then a full one wouldn’t do anything to me so I’d take TWO. And so on and so forth to where I’m up to 15 a day now 8 years later!! It’s BEYOND sad how out of control it’s gotten, but the times I don’t have them, I get BEYOND SICK!!! I get FREEZING cold but I’m LITERALLY POURING SWEAT. I have ZERO energy! My WHOLE BODY hurts SO BAD! I feel CONSTANTLY sick to my stomach and I throw up occasionally. I get BAD migraines. I CAN’T SLEEP and CAN’T even get comfortable, but yet I’ll be SO SLEEPY! I won’t eat for DAYS and DAYS at a time. I’m mean and upset. That’s only HALF of how sick I get when I don’t have them and it’d last for like 2 months if I did try to quit! It is LITERALLY LIKE BEYOND HELL!!! I cry all the time WISHING I could stop, but I just CAN’T because of HOW SICK I’d get. People just DON’T UNDERSTAND how STRONG this disease is. I KNOW how it’s destroyed my life. I KNOW how it destroys the relationship with me and my son, and me and my fiance. I KNOW I’ve lost everything and I KNOW that if I DO keep continuing on this path, that I WILL end up dead from overdose!! (In fact, I’m SURPRISED it hasn’t happened yet considering I’m up to 15 a day with me being so small!!) And this disease is SO STRONG that even KNOWING all that, NO MATTER WHAT, I JUST CAN’T STOP!! I LOVE my son and my fiance more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone else. And even still this DISEASE is stronger than THAT! It’s sad, it REALLY is! I feel SO sorry for anyone going through anything similar. LUCKILY (knock on wood) my addiction hasn’t gotten me in any LEGAL trouble. But that could come at any point. I just gotta get pulled over, get searched, and I’d be SCREWED! And they’re REALLY cracking down on the loritabs here in Florida, so I WOULD DO TIME, and I WOULD lose my son. I HAVE stolen from my parents. They had loritabs themselves and I took all of those. I’ve TRIED stealing jewelry to pawn, but they don’t have any. It’s not sad, it’s not pretty, I’m ashamed of it, but that’s what it does to you. It makes you a horrible person and that in turn makes you wanna use MORE because you feel like sh*t about yourself. I sure wish I COULD go to my parents, tell them what’s going on, and get help. I need an inpatient rehab, but I have my son so that’s not an option. I’d have to have them take my son for a couple months while I got better. Which in the long run would be better for all of us. They already raise him now as it is because my addiction has made me such a sh*tty mom. But they wouldn’t understand at all. They don’t understand that this is a DISEASE. They just think it’s so easy.. Like oh you started it, so just…quit. They don’t realize it’s not that easy AT ALL! They are BEYOND judgemental and MEAN! I went to drug court when I was 16 for Marijuana, and I remember my dad BEATING ME in the car downtown, because I failed a drug test on my birthday. So they DEFINITELY WOULD NOT understand, would not help in any way, be sympathetic in any way, or offer SUPPORT in any way!!! So I WISH SO BAD that I HAD parents that cared enough about me to try to figure out what was going on, and tried to stand by me. Maybe if I did, I COULD get the help I need. Every person could be different though. Some people may not quit until every last person cuts them off and they’re forced to quit. But I know for me, I’d need the support and help from my parents that I’ll never GET. So I just wanted to share MY story to show all you mom’s what your children may be going through on the inside. We’re still good people, it’s just the drugs make us not ourselves, and TRUST ME we already feel like sh*t enough about it without having everyone making us feel WORSE by abandoning us.
Your story is all too real. And I think I came across this story as a warning. I have always had a “thing” for loratabs. Who am I kidding, narcotics of all sorts. I was doing well up until my pregnancy, when I cut everything off aside from pot. When I had my son, less than a year ago I was prescribed Loratabs and have had a rocky road quitting them sense. I have a current prescription and am
Bound and determined to never touch them again once it’s gone. I know it’s so much easier said than done. Thank you, Angel. For sharing your story. You may have just saved my life. My relationship with my son, and my boyfriend. I just wanted you to know that you have touched someone….and I pray that you will kick this addiction. Someday, somehow. You will. I began smoking legal marijuana after being subject to RDT’s because of my job. And since it was then undetectable it seemed harmless and an easy switch for pot. Boy was I WRONG! That stuff is the DEVIL…I just wish I could get a grip on my general addictive personality and find a healthy alternative….
I hear you on both sides. I have been there also. My son died 29 days ago of substance abuse. He was 26. He has been an addict for over 10 years. Yes I enabled him for years. I didn’t know what else to do. I thought if i gave him the money then it’s better than him going out robbing someone or robbing a store. No! I was wrong. He’s been in jail atleast 5 times. He believed that it was his life and he deserved it. I tried since he was 14 getting him help. Therapy, inpatient and outpatient programs. Nothing helped. I feel your pain and god luck! Trust me you don’t want him dead. Never give up on him. Keep trying to help him without enabling him.
I know your pain & words all too well. My daughter will be 34 in May. She started when she was just 14. Has been in rehabs all across the country, even gave birth to a blind child with cerebral palsy while on methodone, she lived 11 years. God blessed her with another little girl & we were able to keep het clean long enough to deliver her @ 32 weeks. Have had to take that child from her in order to give her a normal life. God Bless us all.
Dear Parents and Others Who Love The Troubled:
There is hope as long as there is breath. Never never give up. There are healthy ways to love those who need help. Figure those healthy ways out and find your sanity. Here are two things I learned: #1: Worry is a story you tell yourself that never ends well. Do focus on a positive outcome. #2: Sometimes failure is necessary. Attempts to beat addiction never work the first time around. Be prepared for failure. It can break your heart if you are not aware. Failure has its own special place in recovery. Easy success does not exist, that’s just how it is.
Loving the troubled is not easy, but it pays off in ways you never see coming. You realize how strong you are capable of being. You value the more important things in life. You chose a simpler way and are able to live in and appreciate being in the moment more than others.
I do know how you feel. You are not alone.
Love Mom
My son has 3 owi charges and was placed on probation for 3 years….that was 2013. My son is currently sitting in jail for violating his probation. His probation officer performed a breathalyzer. …he obviously did not pass. He is waiting to see what his fate will be……and has stated that he is going good to tell the judge he thinks he needs and more intense treatment. He’s been through “counselling” (I put that in quotes because all he ever did in treatment was to say the right things so they would release him).
I have a tremendous amount of guilt associated with my son’s addiction. I am a recovering addict as well (20 years sober).my drug of choice was meth, and my treatment came in the form of sitting in jail for 4 months waiting to be sentenced for my drug and felony charges. It was then I made my mind up that I no longer wanted to be the nasty person I had become.
I know he has to come to this same realization and I can only guide him, I can not MAKE him stay sober.
With watching him being overtaken with alcohol addiction…..it certainly brings to light all that I must have put my mother through…..and it breaks my heart to watch him struggle, the same way I struggled. I know he remembers me not being there for him when he was younger and I think that’s where most of my guilt comes into play and where I struggle with NOT abandoning him again when he needs me the most.
I’m so glad I found this article, I want to share it with him so he understands.
My son is 26. He is a heroin addict. I love him with all my heart. When he was 1 1/2 he was molested everyday by an incestuous family for one year at a babysitter. It totally destroyed him inside. He was molested by a cousin and by a church members son. He can’t get past the pain so he turned to drugs. He’s been in jail tried to commit suicide. Robbed me blind. Yet I would die for him. I want him to be happy. I pray God heals him. He is finishing rehab. But it wasn’t enough time. They won’t let him stay. He’s all alone. I can’t help him. I lost other family members one niece and one nephew to Heroin and a close friend of the family. Jesus is the only one who can heal the soul.
I am very sorry you are going through this hard time i know how you feel my family went through the same thing with my brother and at the age 18 he passed away from drugs. my prayers and thoughts are with you in this hard time.
i to have a daughter that is addicted to pain killers and any other prescription drugs she can steal from me or her dad to shoot up some times it feels like I fighting a losing battle to keep her strsight
My son began drinking and at 14, the year I got sober–that was 20 years ago. About 10 years ago I got to the same horrible place this writer is at-after multiple jail, hospital, and rehab stays. He is now almost three years clean and sober, and has become the man I always knew he could be. Each parent has to determine their own boundary . But never give up hope! I never thought I’d experience the peace and joy seeing my son recovering or enjoy a 12 step meeting with him but here we are… We DO recover!
I am a 27 year old mother of 2 gorgeous boys aged 6 and 2. I struggle with heroin addiction, it has been going on for more than 10 years but i can say that before it wasnt much of a problem coz i truly was in control. Untill about 6 years ago when my addiction escalated to a whole new level! You see i met tha father of my children 8 years ago, he wasnt the bad boy i usually dated so in my eyes he was perfect. Not a user, worked hard (local counsils), came from a good family, he knew about what i struggled with and agreed to help. If only i knew! He started paying for my drugs and whenever i decided not to use he would convince me that i should coz id do better with d kids n cleaning. He never laid a finger on me and always bought me nice pressies and made me kinda happy so i never thought wrong of him. Now i realise i was mentally abused. Ive been in rehab couple of times only to come home to couple grams of heroin he would buy. Been arrested and ODed 5 times. 4 months ago round Christmas i cought him cheating with 1 of my best friends and i had to let him go, not only for the cheating, coz i too cheated in the past and he took me back. I let him go coz when he cought me he said so many nasty words and made me feel so guilty (to a point i started popping valiums and other pills n drugs) all while he was already with her! He didnt leave home instantly but now hes gone . I started working a month ago and working hard to stay clean. Im not there yet but im doing soooo much better. Got custody of the boys but he still sees them everyday. Im happy now after a long time and i started believing in my self again.
I am 26 years and I am a recovering heroin addict. I will have 2 years clean from all drugs and alcolhol on May 8th 2015. My fiance (who I got arrested with and who I’ve used with) celebrated 2 years on January 2015. I used herion for around 5 years but started drinking and smoking pot when I was around 14. He used for 15 years. 2 years into our recovery we are closing on a house together tomorrow, Friday March 20th. We raise my son and our daughter. We will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary on March 29th. We have been through so much and she how manage to come out stronger. His family it EXTREMELY supportive and mine is slowly coming around. They are supper supportive by from afar so to say. At any rate we raise my 7 year old son and we have a 2 year old daughter. He is a full time student (in college) during the day and works a full time job over night. I got fired from my job, for the first time ever, on February 17th. No matter how upset I am/was I will not use over it. My point in all this, RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE! And we can stay clean. Keep supporting your struggling families you’ll never know how valuable that is. Do it from afar if needed you have to take care of you or you can’t take care of them. If anyone has a family member you needs someone to talk to please feel free to look me up on Facebook. Have a good day y’all and remember “Be kind to each other”
My Facebook account is Amanda Snyder 😉 Sorry
We lost my brother 7years ago to opiates..he struggled for years stole from my parents ,me his sister,ans friends..its a family disease..I was addicted myself been clean for months..I watch we go through every anniversary every birthday and the pain of losing him feels like it did day one..the days he was in jail we didn’t have to worry.my mom was constantly jumping when phone rang.like what next..we miss him like crazy and know he is still with us watching over us..he left behind 3 beautiful kids that he will never watch grow up..
My youngest son will be 21 next month. He was a heroin addict. I say “was” because he’s now serving a 5 year prison sentence for robbery. He and 2 of his “friends” took Klonopin, and one of the 3 ( no my son) robbed a 60 year old woman of her purse.
My son has 2 children, a one year old daughter and a two year old son. And now he’s locked up, and my grandchildren’s mom won’t allow them to visit him in prison.
When he first began using heroin, I couldn’t tell!! He hid it well (I’m an EMT). My mom is a nurse, and she didn’t know either!!
I miss him so much, but at the same time, he is no longer able to partake in what had become a daily occurrence: using.
Wow, I AM a 57 year old recovering alcoholic and mother of a son who sits in prison because of alcoholism/addiction. He is a 29 year alcoholic/addict and he sits in State Prison. I read this essay, and I relate so much to every word. I remember those nights the phone would ring – and it would be him, thankfully I heard his voice, he’s alive. I remember going down to County to bail him out, only to have him do it again, and again. Thankfully, I never lost my home, or my stuff, just my respect for myself and him. However, I believe in my Heart, that change can come when the decision to live in darkness turns to living in the light. He will be getting out of prison this year after serving 3.5 years in state; he will be three years sober. Living behind the walls and getting sober is so much different than living outside and being sober. I have requested, and prayed, that he go to a sober living home, and thankfully he has agreed. I pray that he stays sober and does not end up back in prison. I won’t do this again. Every month for 3.5 years, I visited him down in SE Arizona, and it takes away from my time for me. I am grateful that he is at a place where I can go visit, and not the cemetery. I love him, he is my beacon of light — and pray that it continues to shine bright for those who need his guidance. AA and Al-Anon are life savers, as well as the God of my understanding.
Like it states in one of the above quotes: RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE! so long as it is wanted!!
I am 41 years and I been an addict for at least half of my life , I moved away from my family in tx to get clean and here I am about two weeks ago waking up in the back of an ambulance . All I takes is one line of herion I snorted one line of herion and got dizzy next thing I know I’m waking up being told I had died and my son found me saw my limp body blue lips gray face ! How could I have gotten to that ? How could I let my son find me lifeless ? Since then I have not used nothing it’s a struggle I am going to overcome I hope I am doing this at home just me cus I know I need help rehab conseling but i don’t know how I would pay for it so I am trying on my own one day at a time !
No matter where you are you can find free serves,,, try salvation army,,,, and Lots of 12 step meetings,,,,,
Being a long time heroin addict myself, I know the nightmare that addiction is, and the heartbreak it causes. Nobody knows how miserable I am, and how much I hate myself. I haven’t been able to make eye contact with myself in the mirror for years, because I hate myself and what I’ve become. The guilt consumes me, to the point that the only glimmer of joy I feel is when I use. I hide from people that know me so that they cannot see what I’ve become. I resent my peers when they accomplish things because I’m stuck in this living hell, having nothing to offer anyone. It breaks my heart thinking what my mom and late dad must think of me. I can’t deal with my emotions, can only numb them. I continue to try to get clean, swearing EVERY SINGLE DAY, that I am done after today. I want my mom and loved ones to see me get clean, not because I think I deserve it… I don’t think I deserve ANYTHING good, ever again.. I just want them to not have to worry about me anymore. I want them to know that they didnt waste their time loving me. Otherwise I would have killed myself long ago. I just can’t put my family thru that. I’ll never give up, as long as I breathe. I just wanted to show a little of how us addicts feel,
God is love! HE still loves you even though you are an addict. You can over come anything! God says “come to me as you are”. I have multiple friends and family that have struggled with heroin addiction.Unfortunately they are no longer here on earth. Don’t let that happen to you. Things can change, you can change and make a difference in others lives. Turn to the Lord in your times of struggles he is always there just waiting for you to call on him. Praying for you.