I received an email last week from a girl named Heaven. She asked me if she could share a sample of her writings to submit to Sober Nation. Now, let me tell you – when I get these type of emails, I typically expect to receive someone’s sober story, or an educational or creative piece about something sobriety or addiction related.
Upon reading the email, my makeup was gone, and I had to call my best friend because I couldn’t believe the authenticity of what I had just read. I had also come to find out that Heaven is 13 years old, and Heaven has been profoundly impacted by addiction.
The Ones We Hurt The Most
It’s true that when we’re in our addictions, even the people we think aren’t watching, are. The people that we think won’t be affected, are, and even after we have put them through hell, the one’s we’ve hurt the most still continue to love us unconditionally.
It was then, I decided that Heaven needed a place on Sober Nation.
Who is Heaven? She’s 13. She’s been through hell. And well, I’ll let her tell you the rest:
“I Truly Knew What An Addiction Was. How? My Mother Had One”
I never understood the true meaning of an addiction, when I was younger anyway. I didn’t know what was happening, I didn’t know anything. I was a young kid, so how could I have? When sixth grade rolled around, and I grew more mature than the previous years, I began to understand it all. I truly knew what an addiction was. How? My mother had one.
She’s currently in recovery, which is good, and I’m proud of her, but being on the road of recovery doesn’t stop the constant pain I felt (and still feel at times). Being the daughter of a drug addict was never easy, but who would expect it to be? My mom was never a bad person, though. She always made sure we had clothes on our backs, food on the table, and a roof over our heads. The only problem was the substance abuse, and I knew (I’m sure my mom knew, too) that this wasn’t going to be an easy recovery, nowhere near it.
As a result of my mom’s substance use, my emotions have been everywhere the past few years. Her usage has caused depression, worry, and loneliness. I’ve always been extremely close with my mom, so it scared me, I hated waking up in the middle of the night with her gone, nowhere to be found. My depression spiked around the time period when we moved. The drug use was supposed to stop, hence why we moved in the first place. But it didn’t stop, in fact, I think it got worse. I stayed in my room to avoid all the people my mom had over all the time. That was scary for me to go through, it was hard.
“They Saw Me Awake Through My Bedroom Window”
Back in December, a big fight happened at my house. To sum it up, my sister, my mom, my uncle, my mom’s friend, my other uncle’s girlfriend (though they weren’t together at the time), her daughter, and I were all held at gunpoint by my mom’s friend’s boyfriend. The cops searched the house, and they found drugs in the room my mom’s friend was staying in. DCS got involved, of course, and for the first few weeks (two, I think), we avoided them. We just stayed quiet until they left every time they knocked on our door. One day, however, the police showed up at our house, and they saw me awake through my bedroom window, so we had to open the door. They called DCS, and when they got here, my mom came clean. She told them she was going to fail her drug test. My aunt had taken me and my sister in, seeing as we weren’t allowed to stay with my mom, plus, she was going to jail.
It’s been a long and hard process, that’s for sure, but it’s helping our family. No matter how much I get frustrated with all the people I have to see, or how much I want it all to be over, at the end of the day, I know that it’s all to help my mom and to strengthen our family. It may take a little bit until my mom is fully recovered, but I have faith in her, and I know she can do it. We can all do it, we just need to have a little trust, hope, and love.